Torture Chamber
by DarkFlameOfTheMonkey
Summary: When one has a loyal TV crew, various OC implements of doom, and every SRMTHFG villain from Season 1 and 2 at one's disposal, what does one do with them? Read & you'll see! Laughs guaranteed or money back. Prepare to enter, the TORTURE CHAMBER!
1. Commercial

**A/N: I finally finished all my one-shots. And this is my first multi-chaptered story. Characters will sometimes be OOC, but that's the whole point of this! A few chapters will have my OCs which I have yet to introduce, so I'll just give you a note about the OC when the time comes.**

**Rules**

**This story is actually a TV show. My workers, (OCs, the TV crew, almost every SRMTHFG villain from season 1 and 2, paid Shuggazoom citizens, Hyper Force members that have already been 'tortured') will either**

**film Monkey Team members doing something humiliating**

**set up the Monkey Team members into doing something humiliating**

**After that they will**

**show it to Shuggazoom via the evening news**

**show it to Shuggazoom via Shuggazoom's Funniest Home Videos**

**show it to Shuggazoom on their show (which bears the same name as this story)**

**And all this is to**

**get a satisfied result from the victim such as tantrums, crying, swearing (which will be blocked out) and will then be put on TV**

**Now, to get on with the first chapter!**

Commercial

Chiro was channel surfing. He came across Channel 2347.A guy in a suit with shiny white teeth flashed a wide smile.

"Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff."

A woman standing next to him smiled too, but not as wide.

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale. Join us tonight for Shuggazoom's newest show."

The two looked at each other, turned back to the camera and said in unison, "Prepare to enter, the** Torture Chamber**!"

"Torture Chamber, on at 7:30 on Channel 2347."

Chiro switched off the TV. "Eh, sounds boring." He got out of his seat and went out of the Super Robot. As he stepped out, a sack swung over his body. It was quickly tied and Chiro was inside, thrashing about. The sack was opened again and a needle containing a powerful sedative was thrust inside. The thrashing stopped, and the sack was hefted onto someone's shoulder. "I 'd better be paid for this." Mandarin muttered as he walked away.

**MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Next chapter coming up!**


	2. Victim 1: Chiro

**A/N: Muahahahahaha!!!**

**Diclaimer: yadda yadda I don't own anything cept for OCs, which include my crew.**

Victim 1: Chiro

Chiro opened his eyes and groggily shook his head. Last thing he remembered, he was shoved onto a potatoe sack. He tried to sit up but found himself chained to a metal table. A man with light brown hair and white teeth bent over him. He was wearing a suit, but with a high-collared cape billowing behind him. "Resistance is futile!" The man brought up his hands and did a muahahahaha to the sky. His fingers were tipped with Wolverine claws.

Chiro looked around. He was in a dungeon-like room. Various types of painful looking torture devices and weapons hung on the wall. An old organ sat in the corner. Sitting in front of it was a guy that looked like a vampire. He quickly played a scary tune.

Chiro looked in the other direction and found some little comfort in this hell-hole. Standing near him was a woman with luscious chocolate brown hair that Aurora 6 would kill for. A red dress showed off her curves, curves that would make even Gibson and Antauri drool. The woman smiled at Chiro. That was when he saw the sharp teeth that potruded from her gums. The bottom of her long dress was in fact ragged and torn, the tendrils trailing across the floor.

Chiro looked instead to the ceiling. And he swore he saw a guy with glasses and big hair wearing white in the ceiling, sitting in a booth, flicking switches. "Where the hell am I?" Chiro was getting creeped out.

"Welcome, Chiro," the man in the suit began. "To the," Then several hundred voices joined in. "**Torture Chamber**!"

Chiro looked around wildy. "Where are those voices coming from?!" He swore he heard snickering after the 'torture chamber'. He was close to peeing himself with fear.

The man shot a glance at the woman beside him. She nodded. The man turned back to the poor boy. And smiled. Almost _evilly._ It was pretty fun messing with people.

How does one mess with Chiro? But of course, you mess with his Sun Riders...

"Oh, Chiro..." The woman bent towards him and cooed. "I think there's something you want."

"Want?! I want _out_, that's what I want!"

"So you wouldn't want...this!" With a flourish, she held up a small, thin book. But it wasn't a book. It was a _comic_ book. But the Sun Riders didn't have a comic book series, they were a TV show. That's what everyone thinks. But as any true Sun Riders-obssessed fan will tell you, the Sun Riders once had a comic. Sales were incredibly low, so the series was stopped after the first issue. And the rare copies of that issue, was a highly desirable collector's item for any Sun Riders fan.

And it was that issue that the lady was holding in her fingers now. But that wasn't all. She was holding a cigarette lighter underneath it. And pressing the button.

"No way! Do you know how much money it took me to have that shipped in?! 200 dollars! That's a lot of moolah, ya know!" Chiro started writhing in his bonds. Or trying to at least. The chains were too tight. "I want my lawyer! Gimme a phone! You'll be sorry!"

Too late Chiro. The corner of the paper began to wrinkle and smoulder. "Nooooooo!! What do you want from me?! Money? The Super Robot's weaknesses? What do you want?! Where am I?!" Chiro took a deep breath and let out, "**MMMOOOOOOOOMMMMYYY!!!!!**"

"Oh shut it, mummy's boy." the man snapped. " We told you, you're in the-" "**TORTURE CHAMBER!!!**"

The man with big hair in the ceiling booth flicked a switch. Lights came on suddenly. Chiro blinked against the glare. He looked up and saw... "A studio audience?! What's up with that?!" Then it came to him. "Oh my god! I'm on TV aren't I?! I'm gonna kill you! I'll kill you all! Monkey Fu!" Nothing happened. "No! You take my Sun Riders comic book, and my Power Primate too?! What is wrong with the world?! Why me? Whyyyyy?!?!"

The lady was getting fed up. She waved the comic book in front of his face, which she had stopped burning once the lights came on. "Chiro!" Chiro was instantly mesmerised.

"Yes mummy?" he said dreamily.

"I'm not your mother, dangit! You're on Torture Chamber, Shuggazoom's newest show."

The man, which we now know as Cedric Angriff, and I'm tired of calling him the man, began to explain to the viewers the rules of the show. "Tonight, our victim is Chiro. And as you will now see, Chiro, was a very cute baby." The lights dimmed, and a screen slid down over the back wall. A short movie started. Actually, it was a tape. Taped off TV. Off Shuggazoom's Funniest Home Videos.

Tanya Perri stood in a blue dress, facing her own studio audience. "Ever wonder what celebs looked like without the nose job? Well, with 'Before they were Famous', you'll see." The video voices dude started up. "Before they were Famous! By the age of two, Shuggazoom hero Chiro's primal instincts was already taking over." The screen showed Chiro, at his secong birthday party, picking his nose, and eating it. Next, Chiro was sitting next to a girl, ready to blow out the candles. In the middle of 'Happy Birthday', young Chiro reached a hand down her shirt. He was stopped. And he did it again. And again. And again. And again. The tape ended.

Through it all, the much older Chiro, still chained to the table, but now tilted upwards to see the screen by a Frankenstein-like dude, sat with his mouth open. Once the tape ended, Chiro closed his mouth. Then he opened it. And closed it again. This silent act of shock went on for a few good minutes of the show, until the hosts got fed up.

"Oh do get on with the tantrum and the crying and the swearing! You look like a fish doing that!"

"Well I wasn't going to throw a tantrum or cry or swear, but that sounds like a dang good idea!" And thus, Chiro proceeded to do so. "I'm gonna Lightning Kick whoever sent that tape into Funniest Home Videos in the guts a thousand times! I'll get him! I'm gonna get him and go into Inner Primate and bash him against a cliff!! I'll hunt him down and hurt him! Badly!" And Chiro continued doing this until there was only ten minutes left in the show. "So, what do you guys do on this show?"

"Well," began Natalie Teasedale. She didn't look so bad once she took out the vampire teeth. "Long story short we humiliate the Monkey Team."

"Hmm. Doesn't sound bad beside the fact that myself and my friends are getting tortured. Who's next?" Chiro asked.

"We're not allowed to say on a-"

"Antauri."

"Commercial! **Now!**"

**Hmm. Not as good a start as I'd like. Ah well, Antauri's and Nova's is the best. Sprx's and Gibson's are _okay. _Still don't know what to do with Otto. Season 2 I have planned already. Well, review!**


	3. Victim 2: Antauri

**A/N: Well, last torture session was weird. Especially the Shuggazoom's Funniest bit. But this one will be better. I hope. Oh, and the Antauri fans are going to kill me for this. :) Wait... O.O Oh crap.**

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to tell you?**

Victim 2: Antauri

Antauri opened his eyes with a start. He tried to sit up, but could not. Was he drugged? Was he paralysed? No, he was chained on a table. He looked around and saw the same things Chiro did when he was here a week ago.

Cedric (and no, he wasn't a big green snake dude, he was a guy with really nice teeth in fact) steepled his clawed fingers. "Welcome Antauri," he said in a silky voice. "To the," The following words were incredibly loud. "**Torture Chamber!**"

"Right, where am I and where is my team?" Antauri didn't waste any time. Typical.

The hosts ignored him. Instead Natalie Teasedale started to wave her hands around and looked at a particular spot on the floor. Above, a guy with glasses and big hair fiddled with something, a spotlight came on, and a pedastal began slowly rising out of the floor. On it was something that Antauri held very dear. No, it was _not _Chiro, although Antauri would choose to save the Chosen One rather than (dun dun dun!!) Bonnie. (dun dun!)

"I have never seen that thing in my life." Antauri said calmly. But the hosts knew better.

"Oh really Antauri?" Natalie began. "Then you won't mind if I did this!" She whipped out a pair of secateurs. But how on Shuggazoom could she hurt Bonnie with a pair of garden clippers?

Of course, Natalie could do a lot of damage. For 'Bonnie' was in fact a...plant. A very old bonsai tree. And one Antauri cared about a lot. His affection was of mammoth proportions... As you will soon see. But not yet.

Antauri began to sweat. "What- What do you want?"

Cedric steepled his claws again and grinned. He was going to enjoy this. A lot. "All we ask from you is a little screaming before the tree dies." He followed this with another of his famous muahahahas.

Natalie snipped the secateurs together several times in front of Antauri's face. Then she brought it towards his precious bonsai tree.

You know in the movies, when someone dives in slow motion in front of something or someone else to save them while shouting "Nooooooo" in a really deep voice? Well, Antauri couldn't do that, because he was chained to the table. But he did try. He shook his head in slo mo and kicked his legs. **"Nooooooooooo!!!!" **

"It's too late Antauri. For you have entered the," "**TORTURE CHAMBER!!!!**"

The lights clicked on suddenly and Antauri lay there blinking against the harsh brightness, sweating and panting. Bonnie was safe. At least he thought so. That woman had better leave her alone. "How- How did you find out about her- it?" he managed to choke out. "I never told anyone. No one ever saw."

"Oh, but someone did. Observe, Antauri and the entire city of Shuggazoom." Natalie gestured at the screen which had slid down behind them. A video, edited by the Torture Chamber producers. The video was taken from one of the Super Robot's security cameras stationed inside Antauri's quarters. The lavishly decorated walls, the river flowing through the room. It was definitely Antauri's room. And it was definitely Antauri (I mean come on, how many black robot monkeys are there? That makes this tape impossible to fake) who had woken up and immediately walked over to one of the walls. A small pedastal potruded out from the wall, elaborately decorated and carved out of marble. Sitting upon the pedastal in a blue pot, was the centre of Antauri's universe. Right up until midday of course. After that Antauri was busy with other things.

But now, the plant soaked up the adoration. "How are we today, Bonnie? Good?" Antauri sounded like he had soaked his voice in honey for two hours. "I hope your branches have grown in the right direction. Aren't you a sweet little thing? You're such a good girl to Antauri. I'll have to pluck off a few of those unwanted leaves later, huh Bonnie? You want to be a nicely-shaped bonsai, now don't you? Yes you do, yes you do." Antauri was a good father. But I pity Bonnie when she grows up. Talk about embarrassing parents!

The security tape finished and Antauri, usually calm and poised, was bristling. "How did you acsess the Super Robot's security tapes?! How did you get me on camera?!"

The hosts said nothing. Another security tape started, this time from one of the cameras in the hallway. It showed Chiro sneaking into Anaturi's room to attach a bug to the camera insinde as instructed. In the studio, Chiro rose up out of his seat in the studio audience and roared, "What _I'm _aking you is how you got _that _tape!!!"

Antauri didn't care about the fact that Chiro had betrayed him. He would deal with that later, in the form of quadripled training and a lengthy scolding. Right now his privacy had been violated, that tape and Bonnie, whom he had lovingly tended to every morning, had been shown for the entire city to see, and all for the name television. Antauri was going to get revenge.

He wormed his arms out of the chains, a combination of Ghost Claws and yoga. He leapt up above the set, his claws out, his teeth became pointed. He let out a spine-tingling, glass-breaking, blood-curdling, bone-shattering, hair-standing-up, Skeleton King-grimacing scream of terror. **"BONSAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!"**

The show lost two cameras and Cedric Angriff had to buy a new suit.

**Muahahahahaha!! I am doomed to face the fangirls. R&R!**


	4. Victim 3: Sprx77

**A/N: Antauri totally lost it last time. Next on the list: SPRX-77. Muahahaha!**

**Disclaimer: You know what I'm about to say.**

Victim 3: Sprx

"Dude, what happened? And why have I got this huge headache?" Sprx felt like he had been hit by a brick. In the head. In fact, now that he thought about it, that's exactly what he remembered happened. He was hit in the head with a brick. How weird was that?!

Sprx looked around and got the fright of his life. "Ahhh! Oh, phew, you scared me lady. Ahhhh!!" Natalie had put her face right next to Sprx's head. He had screamed, then calmed down. Then Natalie bared her vampire teeth, and he screamed again. "Where the hell am I?!"

"Sprx, you have entered the," "**Torture Chamber!!!**"

"Whoa, where are all those voices coming from?"

"Never mind that!" Cedric snapped. "And stop looking at her like that!"

"Well soorreee man. Cool it." Sprx sneaked one last look at Natalie's dress. _Such a great body. If only she had a better dentist._

"Wouldn't you prefer some other woman Sprx?" Natalie asked seductively. She still talked perfectly with the teeth. With that she took out a small object and held it in her palm. It was small, flat and round. About an inch thick. It was a holographic message projector.

Sprx knew what it was. And he knew the message in it. "Put. The projector. **Down**!"

"Oh no Sparky boy. You can't have this." Natalie said. She dangled the prize centimetres from Sprx's face. He began to jerk his head upwards, trying vainly to get the message projector back. He tried the puppy dog eyes. He even whimpered like a sad puppy.

"Pathetic. Want to watch the message on it one last time before we _destroy_ it?" Cedric asked, knowing full well that he would get fired if he didn't show the message on national television.

Natalie Teasedale held the message projector and opened the message. A small hologram appeared, seeming to hover above the flat disc. The hologram was of Aurora 6. She was moving her fingers in a small wave. "See you around, Sprx." came the message. Then she blew a kiss.

That was what Sprx had treasured so dearly. He spent hours listening and looking at that message, replaying it over and over again after the Sun Riders were taken away. The Monkey Team saw them again, but Sprx never deleted that message. And now he began to shake. For the creepy woman with bad teeth had taken out the projector's memory chip and held it in her fingers.

"So fragile." she said. "So easy to snap. Like a Tim Tam. No, more like a Kit Kat. Destined to be snapped in half." Her delicate fingers moved into position.

"I said, PUT THE PROJECTOR DOWN!" Sprx practically shrieked.

"Muahahaha! It's too late Sprx!" Cedric boomed. "You are already in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!"**

Bright lights came on suddenly and Sprx flinched. He opened his eyes. "Whoa. So many people. Tell me they didn't see me squeal like that?! Tell me!" Sprx pleaded.

"Oh yes they did Sprx." Cedric grinned. "And tell you what? So did all of Shuggazoom sitting on the sofa."

"This is being filmed?!"

"Yup! You're on TV Sprx!" Cedric Angriff could have been mistaken for a rabies patient at that time. He was grinning from ear to ear and flecks of spit were flying everywhere. "Isn't that what you always wanted? Think about it Sprx. So many adoring fans... Watching your every movement!"

Sprx nearly fainted. He nearly missed his next humiliation.

Cedric Angriff and Natalie Teasedale presented the show and explained the guidelines. "This week, our victim is SPRX-77. And also this week, I have a new suit, courtesy of Antauri last week. Hugo Boss."

Natalie Teasdale cut in before her co-host could start singing 'I'm too sexy for my shirt'. "And here we have a recording of Wednesday's evening news." The lights dimmed and a screen slid down over the back wall.

A short jingle played and a man in a suit sitting at a desk began talking. "I'm Owen Roscoe here with Shuggazoom's news. Tonight, we have an interview with swimming legend Ian Thoss who announced his retirement today. And the new model of hovercar, is it really worth it? In other news, a video has been posted up on YouTube, depicting Shuggazoom hero SPRX-77, or Sprx as he liked to be called,... well you just see for yourself."

The YouTube video started and on screen Sprx was shown stumbling around wildy. He was yelling out random things like "Nutbush! Wheee!" And he started to stupidly attempt the Nutbush dance. And he failed. Painful to watch really. "Well that's not very nice is it? Wahoo! Magic School Bus! There's a bear in there and an chair as well. Come inside it's Play School!" This started him into a TV show theme song singing off-key frenzy. "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! If you need a hero that's the name you should know!" Jeez, hasn't Sprx ever heard of things like _pitch_?!And _you're really really off-key you sound so bad I'd like to throw a brick at you _? The pain ended, (yes, you can start reading again) and the credits came. _This vid was made by MamaTree_

The news reader twitched slightly. "It is believed that Sprx was drunk at the time, a subject that has 'sparked' major controversey. What?! You think that's funny don't you Ray?" Owen Roscoe asked the cameraman. "Humph. The people at this newstation have no sense of humour." he muttered. "There are rumours that MamaTree is Chiro but we have no evidence. We haven't gotten any interviews or camera shots of the famous Monkey Team since this video was posted. And now, our exclusive interview with Shuggazoom swimming legend Ian Thoss..."

Sprx twitched in the Torture Chamber studio, mortified after realising that almost the entire city had just witnessed his horrible singing and dancing talents. "I wasn't drunk, I swear! I'd never drink alcohol! Not with my job! Hang on, how _did_ you get that on camera and put it on _YouTube_?! I don't even remember doing that!"

"Er..." Cedric took interest in his new suit again and Natalie stared intently at her dress's tendrils.

"Don't tell me Brain-Strain was in on it?!"

"No actually. It was," Cedric started. "Ahem. Antauri."

"No really, who organised that?"

Anaturi revealed his seat in the studio audience. But he didn't look like he normally did. No, he was bright red. "Red dye. Simple as that my brother." he said, taking off one of his black eye contacts. Chiro rose up out of his chair next to Antauri, a video camera in his hand. "And I got it all on tape! Every wild movement, every off-key note! I got a slice of the action! I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for Antauri or you, Sprx!"

"Wha?! You made the city think it was _me_?! Why you little- I'll pulverise you into little piles of mush! Why I oughta- You know what? I'll blow up the set! See how many suits you can put on after I make you attract every scrap of metal within a two kilometre radius for two days!" After a while Sprx calmed down. The show ended for that week and Sprx came out wondering how his autograph ratings were gonna end up. And he was thankful that Gibson didn't watch TV. One, because he would've seen Sprx. And two, because he would have known that he was next...

**Oh, I am evil and cruel. I surprise myself with my own twisted mind. Review please! And prepare for Gibson humiliation!**


	5. Victim 4: Mr Hal Gibson

**A/N: I was so cruel last time. But it's not going to stop yet! Haha!**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill.**

Victim 4: Gibson

Mr Hal Gibson shook his head. He blinked his eyes. He stared in shock."Great Scott! How did this occur?! Where am I? Why am I here? How do we eat? Why do we eat? Where shall we have lunch?" Ah yes, the three great questions of science and development. How do we eat, why do we eat and where shall we have lunch. Jolly good show Gibson. (Quote from Hitchhiker)

Gibson began to assess his surroundings in the little light avaiable. "Stone walls... Various types of scary-looking torture and pain devices hanging on wall... Frankenstein creature thing manning a TV camera... (Hey! I'd better cut his pay later. Gibson's eyesight is better than I thought) Attractive lady with horrible teeth and a second-hand dress..." Cedric snickered quietly, but not quietly enough. Gibson's head shot towards the sound. "Attractive man with _good_ teeth but a _terrible_ high-collared cape... Hmm. I come to the conclusion that I am in a crudely erected torture chamber of sorts."

"That's what you get with a budget as low as this." Cedric Angriff muttered. "Mr Hal Gibson, welcome to the," "**Torture Chamber!**"

"One, thanks for all the disembodied voices shouting suddenly welcoming me, I appreciate it. And two, if I were you I wouldn't welcome guests by chaining them to a metal table."

"Oh puhleeze." Natalie whined."This is a torture chamber, and you are here to be tortured." With that she pulled out a laptop sitting on a trolley. The screen came to life. On the screen was something Gibson thought, and I emphasise on _thought_, no one could beat him at. No, it wasn't science. Good guess, but it was something old, yet techno. Something dorky, something guys with thick glasses and vests would spend time doing. Gibson didn't have glasses or a vest, but everything else fitted him perfectly.

"Well if you people think you can hold a Space Invaders tournament, nice try, but I hold the fastest time _and _high score record." Gibson boasted. Yes, Gibson was the Shuggazoom champion of Space Invaders when he still didn't have his metal parts attached.

"Impressive Gibson. But not as impressive as this. Go Cedric!" Natalie yelled, whipped out a stopwatch and her co-host leapt into action. His finger pressed the 'fire' button at spectacular speed. He manouvered his shooter with amazing skill. Cedric pulled all the tricks, even firing through his own shield. "Take that aliens!" he grunted.

_That is impressive. _Gibson thought._ But he still can't be- _

"Wahoo!"

_Dear god! He beat my fastest time by two seconds! That's impossible! His firing finger must be phenomenal! And that score..._ Gibson gasped. It was impossible! It defied rationalisation! Gibson couldn't believe it! All the poor monkey could do was sit with his mouth open. Mr Hal Gibson had been one-upped by a human! Gibson had lost his World Record title!

"No way!" That was all the blue monkey could say. Nothing he usually said like, "Impossible! It defies logic and possibility! It can't be!" Poor Gibson was in shock he couldn't talk like he normally did.

"Yes way!" Cedric cackled. "I beat you! Haha!" Cedric began moonwalking around the set.

"Why?!" Gibson wailed at the ceiling. "Why me?! Why now?! Why here?!" Gibson began to cry at his sudden loss of the achievment he had held so dear. He had been so proud. He kept trying to beat his own record, making it as hard as possible to defeat him. And now he had been put in this torture chamber of torture and witnessed his sudden downfall.

Cedric was too busy dancing around, Natalie knew she had to take over. "Gibson, you are in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!"**

The dark room was suddenly illuminated, and Gibson was nearly blinded because he was looking at the ceiling. He didn't register much of what was happening until Cedric tripped over his cape while moonwalking.

"Ha! I told you it was a terrible cape!" Then Gibson noticed the studio audience. "Wow. So many people... Wait a darn minute! Were they watching the whole time?!"

Cedric picked himself up. "Er... Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff."

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale. Welcome to Torture Chamber, Shuggazoom's-"

"What?! This is a television show?!" Gibson was steaming. More people than he thought had witnessed his defeat.

The two hosts kept right on explaining the show to the viewers.

"Are you ignoring me?!"

"Hold on a tick, blue boy. Tonight, our latest victim is Mr Hal Gibson. As a scientist, when he thinks fame, he thinks an article in a New Scientist magazine. Isn't that right Gibson?" Cedric asked.

Gibson just glared.

"Ooookay. Anyway, fame struck Gibson unexpectedly last night. Here is a recording of last night's evening news." A screen rolled down over the back wall. That screen had been the humiliation of three of Gibson's team mates. But he didn't know that yet.

Owen Roscoe sat at a desk. "I'm Owen Roscoe, bringing you Shuggazoom's evening news. Tonight, we have a story on the latest industry scandal: Interbix Inc. But now, we cross live to the city centre, where a familiar face is causing a spectacle. Here's Sara Kluger, live." Sara stood with a microphone in her hand. She looked a bit shaken. "Hi Owen, here in the centre of Shuggazoom is someone we all know and love, it's Gibson from the Monkey Team. He is behaving very strangely. He's dancing the hokey pokey in the square right now! Get a shot of that, Robert." The camera swung away from the young reporter and to the unmistakable figure of Gibson, indeed dancing the hokey pokey.

"You put your right leg in, you put your right leg out! You put your right leg in and you shake it all about!" Gibson sang. Really off-key I might add.

The camera swung back to show Sara. "The cause of this sudden dancing from Gibson is unexplained. We'll give you updates throughout the night, Owen. Back to you."

"And we'll return to that scene later in the evening." Owen said. "And now-" Owen was cut off by an update by Sara. The thing was just a tape really, recording television. Like when your taping a show and stop the tape so you don't get the commercials.

"There's been some progress on the Gibson incident. This city's favourite blue robot monkey has now hokey pokey-ed every part of his body! Even his tail. We are now standing by to see what he is about to do next. Will he just go home? Will he do something else? Stand by." The camera was now focused on Gibson, standing there, for a rare moment not dancing. But not for long.

Gibson began laying his hands in front of him in the air.

"There you have it Shuggazoom! Our blue monkey has just started the Macarena! Updates later in the night."

And from that moment, Gibson became a spectacle not to miss. Every family in Shuggazoom sat glued to the sofa, watching the 'Gibson Incident' updates. Some people even went out of the warmth of their homes to join Gibson in his dancing. Well, it looks like they had nothing better to do than the Macarena. And Sara Kluger's updates stretched long into the night.

"Okay Shuggazoom, Gibson has finished with the Macarena and has started the Chicken Dance! That's right folks. The Chicken Dance. That's not all, we have an exclusive interview with Gibson's fellow team mate, Sprx. How do you feel about you blue counterpart dancing out in the city in the middle of the night?"

The mike was shoved in front Sprx. "Well Sara, it's sad to watch really. I always told him that he ought to get out of that lab of his, but he never listened! And this is the result! All those stupid chemicals have got to his brain! So kids, never spend more than two hours a week in a science lab."

"There you have it, a concerned brother's thoughts." Sara said, pulling the microphone away with great difficulty.

Sprx sulked, apparently not finished with making Gibson sound crazy.

"And now Gibson is done with the Chicken Dance and- Hey! Is that Michael Jackson he's doing?! To be more exact it's- it's Thriller! I love Thriller!" Sara dropped her mike to the ground and ran to join in with the massive crowd of other people already there.

And from Thriller came Blame it on the Boogie, all the way to a moonwalk finish. Sara Kluger trudged back to her microphone and picked it up. "Breaking news! Mr Hal Gibson has just danced every move pulled by Michael Jackson in a time frame of three mere hours! We have learnt that this is a world record! A pity that he cannot celebrate, as he has collapsed and has been taken back to the Super Robot. Shame. I wanted his autograph!"

The string of recorded updates ended and the present Gibson twitched in his chains. "I-I did that?"

Sprx stood up in his studio audience seat. "This look familiar to you Gibs?"

"Sprx! What are you doing here?" Then it hit him. "You saw that man beat me at Space Invaders! Hang on, you were in on this weren't you?!"

Sprx held up a syringe filled with a dark liquid. "Baking soda and Coke. Never fails." To demonstrate, Sprx pointed the needle at Antauri, sitting next to him.

"Sprx..." Antauri warned. But it was too late. Antauri's eyes glazed over and a lopsided smile crept onto his face. "Y-M-C-A!" He could not resist the power. When the concoction wore off he would remember nothing. The only remnants were sore muscles.

Sprx laughed. "We just picked you up and dumped you in the square!"

Gibson stared. "Sprx! You made me do that?! Baking soda and cola, I've never heard anything so preposterous in my life!"

Sprx and Chiro just pointed at Antauri.

"I take your point. And I'm also going to kill you." Gibson hissed.

"Sprx, take my advice. Start running!" Chiro yelled.

"Good advice kiddo!" Sprx took off, with Gibson, still chained to the table, hopping behind him.

Gibson may have lost his Space Invaders record, and perhaps his dignity as well, but at least he got a new record. Fastest time to perform all Michael Jackson dance moves. Now that's something to be proud of.

**Can't laugh stop laugh laughing laugh uncontrollably! Oh, I was so mean to him. Haha! Review! Before I get put in hospital because of lauging stitches!**


	6. Victim 5: Nova

**A/N: My reign of cruelty and pain shall not end! The torture shall not stop! And my undoubted insanity shall not stop growing!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Nova, the monkey I am about to torture today. Or anyone else from that show. All I own is the people from _my _show. And my OC whom I have not introduced yet. Stupid me.**

Victim 5: Nova

"Chains. Should be no problem." Nova strained her arms, trying to escape. But she could not. She looked up at her captors. A man with a sinister cape and a woman that freakishly reminded her of Aurora 6. Hmmm. Could be a cousin. "What do you want from me?"

The man smiled wickedly, as did the lady with he sharp vampire teeth. "What we want has already been delivered into our hands, Nova."

"Then why am I here?" Earlier a huge bellow of **"Torture Chamber!"** had resonated rather loudly. It wasn't much help though.

"To say your final goodbye to...this! Ahahahaha!" she cackled like an old evil lady. Natalie drew out a pile of fluff with great flourish and held it high.

Nova screamed. "Not Mrs Sunshine Teddykins!" But alas, it was she. A formerly bright yellow teddy bear, with a red bow between the ears. Time and cuddles have ravaged its colour. But for some reason it was still called Mrs Sunshine Teddykins.

Natalie's fingers slowly curled around the poor bear's head, her painted red nails glinting in the dim glow of the stone walls. The floppy head threatened to explode.

Nova screamed again. "No!! Daddy gave that to me!" Nova was instantly taken back to her early childhood, bawling her little eyes out like a four year-old girl. "Give her back! Give her back! Give Mrs Sunshine back!" Another explosion of tears. Nova began to kick her legs and thrash about. A classic child tantrum.

"We can't, Nova! After all, you're in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

Huge lights suddenly came on and Nova gave another shriek and screwed up her eyes. She opened them slowly and whimpered, "Where- Where am I? And why are there so many people here?" Nova's tears miraculously evaporated and her eyes widened. "Why you sick twisted bunch of nutcases! I'm in a television set?! Oh man oh man oh man, don't tell me it's on air right now?!"

"On air right now!" Cedric chirped like a little boy.

"I asked you not to tell me that." Nova grumbled.

Once the hosts explained the show, Nova knew that as soon as she got out of that place, she would never hear the end of it. All those people that had seen her cry and scream... It was enough to make her puke in dread. But it wasn't going to end there...

"As we all know, last Tuesday was Valentines day." Natalie began.

_No way! _Nova screamed in her mind. _It can't be... Oh no. It is!_

!t most definitely was, for the lights had dimmed and a screen had begun to slide down over the back wall.

"And on that day, our cameraman followed Nova here around for the entire day." Cedric said. "But love just didn't hit poor Nova this year." Uh oh. You Spova, Antova, Ottova, Gibova, Mandova, Chirova, whateva fans ain't gonna like this. Especially not the Spovies.

The video began with Nova walking through Shuggazoom on patrol. Occasionally a bush or tree got in the way, but that was it. The cameraman had to remain hidden at all costs. But the image was clear and sharp. The more detail, the more humiliation.

"Valentine's. Hate it." Nova muttered. "Can't wait till it's over." Nova sighed. "It's tough being a girl." Suddenly, an object hit Nova in the side of the head. "Oi! You jackass! Please put your waste in the nearest disposal bin! Put that...thing...in...the bin... Oh my god!" Suddenly Nova wouldn't dream of chucking it in the bin. For it was a box. A small red box in the of a heart. Sightings of boxes of similar description had sky-rocketed today. But there was something special about this one. It had Nova's name on the lid in big, playful letters. Looks like someone didn't want it to be mixed up.

Nova looked around to check that no one was watching. Too bad there was. But Nova didn't see them, and hastily untied the red ribbon holding the lid in place. She peeked under the lid and gasped. It was filled with chocolates. But sitting on top of the sweet treats was a small rectangular piece of fine parchment. Nothing like the regular Valentine's messages cards. Really good-quality _parchment._ Looked expensive too.

_Anaturi? _Nova immediately thought. She sneaked a hand under the lid and took out the note. To her disappointment she couldn't read a single word. She turned it around at different angles, but still no luck. It was like those annoying puzzles that Gibson always tried to work out, trying to break the codes. Hang on... Nova flipped the piece of parchment over to the other side. The letters were harder to see, but legible. Thankfully the parchment was thin, and when Nova held it up to the light, she could read it.

_Backwards writing. _she thought, proud of her work. _Like Leonardo da Vinci. Hang on... Gibson?! _It seemed like something Gibson would do. And Leonardo _was_ a genius of his time... Gibson idolised him. Da Vinci was on the list of Gibson's favourites along with Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein and Marie Curie and a whole bunch of other intelligent people. Maybe he wrote it. Nova began to read what the note said.

_Roses are sometimes yellow (it's true!)_

_The only one for me is you_

_Park in front of the fountain at 3:00_

_That's when you'll meet me_

The handwriting was in neat print, it could be anyone. Nova's eyes widened and she put the note back into the box, hugged it to her chest to conceal it and ran back to the Super Robot. Her patrol shift was over.

"Stop the tape!!" Nova yelled on the Torture Chamber set.

"No. Way." Natalie said.

"Aw man." Nova whined. This wasn't going to be pretty.

The video started again, this time at the Super Robot. Nova had repackaged the choccies in a plain, rectangular box and had given them to Otto. Nova watched him smile at her and begin to devour them. _Was there something in that smile? Does he think that I like him because I gave him chocolate on Valentine's day? Or was he the one that gave them to me originally?_

Nova went up her tube, pondering about the possibility of Otto as her secret admirer. She entered her room, locked the door, and tried to figure out whose handwriting it was until 3:00.

Nova was prompt, standing in front of the magnificent fountain worrying about the neatness of her fur. When her secret admirer showed up, Nova froze in shock. Let me outline the picture for you:

It was a was a sunny day. The noon heat had just begun to seep into everything, just the way Nova liked it. She was standing there, a little self-conscious, the fountain spurting water in fantastic arcs behind her. And as her admirer appeared over the hill, Nova tensed and gasped. There, standing in a cute tux, was... _Was!_

"Sakko! You little creep! I'm outta here!" Nova walked off in the other direction, hissing threats through her teeth.

"Does that mean you don't like me?!" Sakko yelled. As soon as Nova was out of sight though, Sakko began dancing. "Oh yeah, who's the monkey? Who's the monkey? Who's the monkey with the big pay rise? Who!" Sakko put his face in front of the hidden camera. "Phase two complete!" he yelled.

Back at the Super robot, an unpleasant surprise awaited Nova. (No, I haven't finished torturing her yet! I know, I'm cruel) From the vantage point of a security camera, the events are as follows:

Nova walked into the command room, and was greeted with a horrible sight. Her feet stopped in their tracks, her eyes widened, and her mouth opened. "Sprx! What on several other worlds are you doing?!" For there, in the centre of the room, was SPRX-77, making out with my OC, Sophia (I haven't introduced her yet. Sorry) AKA (dun dun dun) Nova's cousin.

Sprx looked up, his bottom lip still touching with Sophia's. "Hi Nova." And he went right back to kissing the maroon monkey on the floor.

Nova screamed. "Sophia! How could you?!" This time Sophia looked up, her bright pink eyes blinking lazily.

"Hi cuz." Sophia said.

Nova was steaming. _Sophia knew about Sprx hitting on me all the time! I even told her that I was beginning to suspect that he liked me! Even _she_ saw me blush when I said that!_

"Sophia! Out! Now! Get outta here you! You traitor!" Nova was screaming at the top of her lungs. "You knew! You _knew_ dammit!" Her eyes were squeezed tight, her fists were balled up, her entire body was rigid. She was gonna blow soon. I'm surprised it took so long for her to-

Nova suddenly let out an ear-splitting, brain-bursting, run-away-and-hide-as-fast-as-you-can-or-risk-your-safety scream of rage.

-nope, there she goes. Wow, that could have competed with Antauri's bonsai scream a few weeks ago.

And her cousin was so frightened (or maybe she was just well-paid) she leapt to her feet and made for the exit as fast as her legs would carry her. "Er, bye cuz! See you in another story in which three other OCs and I get introduced properly!" Sophia followed this by a loud whimper as Nova growled at her. "Bye Nova!"

As soon as her cousin was out of the Robot Nova walked right up to Sprx, stared him in the face, and drew back her fist.

Well, I don't think I have to tell you what happened next.

Nova groaned in her chains. "You just had to show that on national television, didn't you?"

"Er, yup!"

"Sophia?! Get over here you! I'm gonna blow your big fat head off your shoulders if you come near him again!" Nova beagn screaming at and threatening the maroon monkey sitting in the studio audience.

"Shut up and listen Nov! Listen to this!" Sophia took a breath and struggled against a snort of laughter. "It was all a torture prank!" she burst out.

Sprx stood up and playfully swung his arm around Sophia's neck. "Everything we did was because this stupid TV show paid us!"

Nova twitched and the chains around her suddenly melted. No wait, they evaporated too! My god, she was angry! She lunged at the closest person, who was unfortunately for her, was Natalie Teasedale.

Cedric suddenly stepped in front of Natalie and Nova abruptly fell to the floor in the middle of her leap.

"Wow! Those tranquilisers sure are fast-acting!" Cedric marvelled at the tranquiliser gun in his hand.

'When we stop filming, dinner's on me." Natalie whispered. "I have some Hungry Jack's vouchers in the car."

Tonight's Torture Chamber episode ended with Sohia and Sprx dragging Nova off the set and Mrs Sunshine Teddykins put into a plastic bag normally used for crime scene evidence, then put in a safe and taken to the Super Robot by heavily armed helicopter.

**Poor little Nova, sitting in a torture chamber. First come torture then comes humiliation then comes a huge mob wanting to destroy DarkFlame. for using a toy that the Alchemist gave her against Nova. Uh oh. Gotta move! Fast!**

**And Hungry Jack's is the Aussie version of Burger King.**


	7. Victim 6: Otto

**A/N: Last torturee up before I start Season 2 of TC: Otto. O.O Oh boy. Imagine the angry mob after _this_ chapter. I barely recovered from the Nova chap!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Otto, or anyone else. All I'm going to own at the end of this is a whole lot of bruises.**

Victim 6: Otto

Otto opened his eyes and stared in awe. "Whoa..."

"Otto!" boomed a man in a sinister high-collared cape and an equally sinister Hugo Boss suit. (A navy blue suit! What were you thinking Cedric!) "You are in the, "**Torture Chamber!**"

"Whoa... Those are some cool special effects! Hey, nice claws dude."

Cedric held them up in front of him. "You like?"

Otto nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! They're really cool! And those glistening stone walls are just awesome! Really like those creepy-lookin weapons on the wall! Where do you get them?! I could get some to hang in Gibson's lab! It's- it's SPOOKTACTULAR!" Otto's eyes widened in anticipation.

"Well, there's a really good place downtown..." a woman in a blood red dress with a tattered hem began.

"Hey, those teeth are so cool! I could get some of those too! And that's a really nice dress!"

"Why thank you!" Natalie leant down to tickle Otto under the chin. She smiled as he laughed. "You're a really nice monkey... Can we go easy on him this time Cedric?"

Cedric shook his head. "You know we can't Natalie." Then he hissed quietly, "We'll get fired!"

Natalie pouted. "Please? Come on Cedric! We'll go to KFC instead of Hungry Jack's this time!"

Cedric frowned. "All just because he's cute." he muttered. _Well, because Nat's not cooperating, I'll just have to do it myself._ Having finished that thought, the evil man took something out of his suit jacket. "Haha! I have you now!"

Otto gasped. "That isn't my Cat in the Hat book, is it?! I love that book! I had that since I was little!" Otto began to jerk in his chains.

Cedric did one of his famous muahahahahas. He brought out a cigarette lighter.

"You're not going to do what I think you're gonna do, are you?"

"Oh yeah!" Cedric cackled.

"So you're gonna buy me ice-cream?"

"What?! No!"

"Then just gimme back my Cat in the Hat book!" Otto was close to crying.

"Otto, welcome to the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!"**

The lights came on and Otto saw a massive crowd sitting in chairs. "Wow... I'm on TV!!! Hi everybody!"

"Natalie! You said my line! And I haven't finished torturing him yet!"

"Oh, shove it Cedric. Just get on with the intro."

"Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale. Welcome to Torture Chamber."

"And now, Otto's big day out! Caught on camera!"

A screen began to slide over the back wall of the set. It was a recording of the midday news. A woman in a suit sat at the desk. "Hi, I'm Cassie Bass, here with Shuggazoom's midday news. Breaking news! We have just received news of a strange occurrence in Shuuggazoom's shopping centre. We cross live to our on-scene reporter, Andy Grees."

A young man appeared on the screen. "This sure beats the fish import scandal I was doing before Cassie!! We have just witnessed something very rare. Shuggazoom celebrity, Otto is running around wildy in the middle of the Shuggazoom shopping centre, screaming his head off. One of our cameras caught this just a few moments ago. Take a look."

The footage showed Otto, little more than a green blur, dashing across the screen, yelling at the top of his lungs, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Run for cover! The sky is _falling_!"

Andy Grees returned to the screen. "And our green hero continues to do this, right here in the shopping centre. Hey, over there Robbie!" The camera swung to the left, just in time to catch Otto flying across the floor of the shopping centre, crying his creed. "The sky is falling!!!!"

"Otto is back from the third floor!" Andy yelled. "After him! Let's see if we can get an interview!"

Many minutes and much puffing later, Andy and Robbie the cameraman managed to get Otto to stand still. Well, as still as they could get. Otto was jumping up and down, his eyes were bugging out. "Can I have the cookie now?!" he said in a rush.

"No, you can't get the cookie, we want an interview and-"

"GIVE ME THE COOKIE!!!!"

"Okay okay. Can we just get an interview first?" Without bothering for an answer, Andy asked, "Otto, what do you have to say other than "The sky is falling" ?"

"**Aliens are real!!!!**" Otto screamed with his eyes bugging out even further.

"Yeah, we kinda noticed. The city's been under attack from aliens several times now and-"

"You said you'd give me a cookie!"

"Jeez! Give the guy a cookie Rob. This interview's over."

And thus Otto resumed running around the shopping centre, chewing quickly on a cookie. This time he had two cardboard sheets hanging over his shoulders. The one on his front read: "THE ALIENS ARE COMING" in bold letters and the one on his back said: "THROUGH THE SKY THAT IS FALLING"

"Scary." Andy Grees muttered.

"Wow!" Otto yelled in the Torture Chamber studio. "I was on _two _TV shows! Whoohoo!"

"Um, do we wrap up the show?" Natalie whispered.

"Uh, okay." Cedric shrugged. Nothing had really gone according to plan that day, so might as well ride it to the end.

The entire Hyper Force minus Otto stood up in their seats.

"Hi guys! What are you doing here?!"

"Uh, we were the ones that made you go on TV." Chiro began.

"A very interesting method. An Oreo dipped in the strongest coffee I could lay my hands on-" Gibson started.

"Then coated in chocolate icing sugar and dried." Antauri added.

"Then we just gave it to you and you went psycho!" Sprx yelled. "Man, he was crazy wasn't he Nova?"

"I'm still not talking to you." Nova glared.

"Wow... I went on TV twice... And it's all because of my friends! Thanks guys!" Otto yelled ecstatically.

The show ended, and Cedric was finally persuaded to buy Otto some ice-cream. And Otto spent the rest of the night boasting to his team how he was the one that went on the most TV shows, his mouth full of chocolate Paddlepop.

**Sprx: So? I got on YouTube and the evening news.**

**Gibson: And I got the evening news, a string of news updates all the way up to midnight, _and_ I made it into the World Record book!**

**Chiro: Shuggazoom's Funniest Home Videos! Ha! I was _entertainment_!**

**Anaturi: Well I was just tortured.**

**Nova: Yeah! Me and Antauri got humiliated! More badly than you guys!**

**Antauri: That show is immature and a waste of time. Proteeeeest!**

**(silence)**

**Anatauri: -.- Never mind.**

**It's not over people! I have Season 2 of Torture Chamber ready! Tune in to Torture Chamber on Channel 2347 to see your least favourite (or favourite if you're a villain lover) villains from Season 1 and 2 of SRMTHFG be tortured!!! **

**But, for now, just review. And please don't kill me for torturing Otto! What did you guys expect when you read the title and summary, that I was going give the Monkey Team foot massages?! Anyway, R&R and stay tuned for Season 2 of,**

**TORTURE CHAMBER!!!**


	8. Season 2 Victim 1: Jinmay

**A/N: The villain season! Whoohoo! Wow, I finished the Monkey Team so quickly. Ah well, two seasons of almost every SRMTHFG villain should keep me busy.**

**Jinamy's not really a villain. Well technically she was, in the beginning. But she ended up nice and is an honorary member of the Monkey Team. _Honorary._ That's why she's in Season 2 of TC. And in Season Two, I've decided to be a bit meaner with the torture. A lot meaner.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything from SRMTHFG.**

Season 2, Victim 1: Jinmay

Jinmay's eyes snapped open. All she saw was blackness, there was hardly any light. "Wha- What's going on? Where am I?"

A man in a suit laughed. "That should not concern you. But if you must know, you are inside the," **"Torture Chamber!" **

"What you _should_ be worrying about is... this! Haha!" A woman beside him cackled.

The stone wall to the left of Jinmay was put in a spotlight, and she screamed. Sitting on a shelf, were the things she was screaming about.

'How did you get those?! You know how hard it was for me to get my hands on them?!" Jinmay shrieked. "Chiro took me all the way to Earth to get them! And those ticket prices! Jeez, I went to a lot of trouble getting to Disneyland you know!"

Jinmay loved her Snow White and the Seven Dwarves figurines. They were plastic. They were not cheap. And they were so cute! Jinmay couldn't resist them. For years, they had been sitting in a glass cupboard, unharmed. But now, you can bet your little brother that they were gonna get harmed.

The woman picked up something from the floor of the room. Jinmay could see the silhouette of a quiver of arrows on her back. "Oh no." Jinmay breathed.

A spotlight suddenly hit Natalie. She was standing, quite relaxed, with a bow in her hand. She picked an arrow from her quiver, brought it to the bow, and pulled back the string.

Jinmay squealed, high and shrilly as the arrow flew towards the shelf on the wall. Sleepy fell off the shelf and to the floor, an arrow straight in his yawning mouth.

"Why you psychopath!" Jinmay hissed. "I'm gonna sue you for that! You're gonna pay for the cost of the flight, Disneyland entry, and poor Sleepy!!!"

Cedric crowed. "Great shot Nat!" He pumped his fist. "I haven't seen something like that since university!"

"You monster! Disney haters!" Jinmay spat. "Get me away from these sickos!"

"You cannot escape! You are in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

Lights flicked on, and Jinmay squirmed. "What the? What is this place?"

"Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale! And welcome to a brand new season of," Natalie swung her arms in the direction of the studio audience, her long fingers pointing at the rows of excited people. "Give it to me Shuggazoom!"

_**"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**_

"Season two!" Cedric yelled and flashed another wide, shiny smile. "This is a new season, and we've got new everything! Nat's got a new dress..."

Natalie Teasedale spun around in a tight black dress with long sleeves that had tattered tendrils, similar to the ones at the hem on her red dress.

"And we even have a new segment added to the show! More about that later."

That's when Jinmay realised what was going on. And she did not like it.

"But now let's take a look at what Jinmay looks like in the mornin!" As Natalie spoke a familiar screen slid over the back wall. You all know what that means. The horrifying tape began.

From vantage point of a hidden camera, conveniently situated opposite Jinmay's bed (Yes, I made her have a bed!), a lump was covered in a purple quilt. The lump suddenly moved, rolled over and yawned. Several seconds of groaning followed before everyone saw Jinmay's actual form.

And let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.

The Torture Chamber heads had used the fact that Jinmay was made of metal to their advantage. It was a chance not to miss. What other villain was a robot? Oh yeah, Scrapperton. Ah well, they gotta get something else planned for him.

Jinmay's hair had been removed. It was no longer pink, or in pigtails. It was a very nice-looking Elvis style. A large mound of black hair sat on the front of the head. And that wasn't all. Jinmay's usually small torso was replaced by a big fat footballer's shirt, shoulder pads and all. The lot with extra cheese!

Jinmay hadn't yet noticed all this. She sat up, and amazingly didn't notice her much-bigger-than-usual feet under the blanket. She blinked, and walked over to the full-length mirror to get the sleep out of her eyes. She saw her reflection, blinked again, and screamed till everybody two planets over would be deafened for life.

"Right! Who thinks this is funny?! Huh?!" Jinmay stormed out of her room, the big Cat in the Hat-style feet, all black and furry, stomping on the floor. Jinmay was really scary when you screw with her hair, clothes, _and_ her footwear in the one day!

"No one, I repeat, NO ONE messes with a girl and her accessories!" Jinmay was steamed, but she couldn't do anything about it. She grumbled through her breakfast, and realised something terrible. "Oh man." she gasped. Stuck on the fridge opposite her, was her to-do list. And what it read wasn't good.

_Do shopping for Monkey Team_

Jinmay swore and her spoon clattered in the bowl, spilling Rice Bubbles everywhere. "It's my turn to do the shopping for the monkeys and Chiro this week!"

And so was spent Jinmay's day, pushing a shopping trolley through the supermarket, receiving strange looks from all who passed her in the aisle. The Elvis hair, the footballer shirt and the big shoulder pads that she could barely support, and oh, the feet. The awful, awful feet. Torture Chamber had hijacked the supermarket security cameras as well.

Jinmay groaned, long and loud in the Torture Chamber. "Why me? Why on _television?!_ Oh man." It was too much to bear. But it wasn't over yet.

Cedric grinned. "And now comes the part I told you about. A new segment has been added to Torture Chamber, specially for the second season. It's called,"

The lights were suddenly cut out and only a small uplight shining from under Cedric and Natalie remained, making their faces look freakier than ever. The two hosts faced the audience. Frightening music played from an organ. Cedric and Natalie put their faces up close to the camera. "It's called," Their eyes widened scarily. "We Know Your Secret." they said in the scariest voice the could manage.

Jinmay shivered. This did not sound good. The lighting returned to normal and Cedric rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "I'm really excited about this new segment Nat."

Natalie grinned. "You should be. You want to do the honours?"

"Are you joking?!" Cedric's eyes were wide and he was salivating.

Natalie handed her overexcited co-host a scroll of paper. He rolled it open, and cleared his throat a little overdramatically. "Once upon a time!" Cedric began. "There was a young girl named Jinmay. When she was very young, she did something that she kept secret from the entire city. And we here at Torture Chamber have gotten proof of it! Feast your eyes on this Shuggazoom!"

The Mighty Screen of Humiliation was once again put to its humiliating use, and some humiliating footage began to play. Yes, it was (Don't say it!) humiliating.

A three year-old Jinmay appeared, bedecked in a costume that her mother would think of as extremely cute and adorable. But to others witnessing the scene, it was just plain funny.

Running around in a Cinderella dress, Jinmay screamed, "I'm a princess! I'm a princess!" And she kept on saying such things for a good ten minutes.

A much older Jinmay's face was twisted into a grimace of shock and anger. "You people," she hissed. "have no idea how much I'm going to sue you for!!"

And to make things worse just at that particular moment, Chiro stood up in his seat. This was _not_ wise. Be afraid, Chiro. Be very afraid.

"Chiro?! What are you doing here in this place?!" Jinmay yelled. "Don't tell me you _helped_ these people!" Jinmay's eyes darkened dangerously.

"Um, YEAH! I did! I got Otto to switch your metal plates, and I bribed your mum for that home video!" Gee, wasn't he a great boyfriend? "Oh, and I stole your dwarves."

Jinmay's metal plates suddenly swelled, coming out from her body and enlarging. Soon Jinmay broke free of her chains, her mega robot form merely a quarter through its transformation, barely fitting into the set. The towering hunk of metal that was Jinmay, went over to the shelf with the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves figurines on it, picked up Sleepy, yanked out the arrow embedded in his face and threw it with amazing strength at Chiro.

The arrow found its mark in Chiro's chest. Jinmay gasped as the boy's larger-than-average head exploded. Huge gobs of putrid black goop covered the robot monkeys sitting next to what was formerly Chiro.

"I told you you were going to need that Chiro clone!"

The real Chiro, who was backstage of Torture Chamber, gulped. He shouldn't have done that, because Jinmay's sensors picked him up.

"Chiro! You come back here!" Jinmay thundered after the terrified boy, who was running out of the set as fast as he could manage. "I'm going to tear you apart limb from limb! I will sit on you and squash you! Very slowly! Then I will boil you up in a pot of boiling water hotter than Sotourix 7! Then I will chop you into little pieces! Then I will do it all again! Again I say! _THEN_ I will gather up all the little pieces, and **I will jump on them!!!** Do you hear me Chiro?! Do you hear meeeee?!"

And so, the hunk of tin chased her boyfriend thorugh the city.

And the Torture Chamber workers couldn't be happier. Their first episode of the season had turned out magnificently. Think of what they could do next week! On national television! The possibilies are endless! And so so satisfying. I mean, take a look at Jinmay! That's what I call _torture_!

**There it is! My first torturing session of the second season! Sweet sweet torture! More coming! R&R!**


	9. Victim 2: Sakko

**A/N: Now we begin the real stuff! Sakko... Oi, this will be disturbing to say the least.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything here except for the story, words, and Torture Chamber. Nothing else.**

Victim 2: Sakko

It was a smug little pink monkey that had walked into the head office of Torture Chamber, a hit show that had sky-rocketed on Shuggazoom's ratings charts that he was lucky enough to be offered a job for. Which wasn't surprising, as the entire show was centred on torturing the Monkey Team. Anyway, he walked into the office belonging to his boss, and rubbed the tips of his fingers on one hand together. He had just come back from the park, after doing a fine job of torturing Nova. He had been promised 5 percent extra pay for that, valid only for one week though. The boss saw the 'gimme the money' motion, and passed over the pay cheque.

Sakko didn't need to look at the cheque. The boss's cheques were famous for being rock solid. So Sakko just turned around, and walked out the door. The boss's door was barely closed when a dart arced across the hallway and embedded itself in Sakko's leg.

Two security guys ran towards the unconscious monkey and stuffed him into a small sack. The sedative was a little stronger than the usual stuff they used. The guy needed to be knocked out for a little longer, until they could wrap up the first season and start the second.

And it was in this second season, that Sakko was taking part in...

Sakko opened his eyes for the first time in days. What he saw looked strangely familiar...

"Oh... No! Not that! Noooooooo!!!"

"Oh YES Sakko! You are in the," **"Torture Chamber!"**

The pink monkey groaned. "I was a afraid of this." The pathetic thing started squirming on the table. The chains had been swapped for smaller, thinner ones, that would hold your keys, since Sakko was so small. Tiring quickly, he started to complain. "Why did they have to do this? Why torture their own employees?! Why?!"

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Quit whining you little shrimp. And start worrying about what we're _going_ to do to you!" With that said, Natalie produced something from behind her back. It was hanging on a coat hanger.

Sakko squealed. His eyes widened, his fur stood stiff. "You-You creeps! Unhand my retro skirt right now!" Natalie was holding a white skirt with red spots that billowed out a tiny bit. The sort of thing little toddlers would wear, or women in an old film. "That's the best piece in my retro wardrobe! Give it back!"

"I don't think she's listening Sakko." Cedric said simply. For Natalie had signalled the guy in the booth above, and the floor of the Torture Chamber had begun to slide apart. A pool of sharks had been revealed, and Natalie was now dangling the piece of clothing over it, giggling loudly to herself.

Sakko groaned. "Not great whites. Please not great whites!"

"Fancy a swim?" Natalie lowered the clothes hanger just a bit, and held a dead fish next to it with her other hand. One of the sharks was faster than the others, leaping upwards. It took the fish as well as half of Sakko's skirt, amazingly not taking Natalie's hands as well.

Sakko gasped. "You dare! You dangled my best skirt over a tank of sharks, AND THEY ACTUALLY ATE IT! I'm so totally gonna kill you for that!" Sakko started to jerk in his chains, trying to land a kick on Natalie.

"Pitiful." Cedric stated.

Sakko began shrieking at the top of his lungs in monkey, as well as kicking his legs on the table.

Wishing to stop the dreadful noise, Cedric yelled, "It's too late Sakko! You're in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

Harsh lights shone from the ceiling, and Sakko flinched. "This can not be happening!" he screamed.

"Oh yes it is! We're into the intro already! Whoohoo! Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale, that weird woman that just let sharks rip apart Sakko's skirt!"

"And now, let's get on with the show! We put camera's in Sakko's house a few weeks ago and-"

"You what?!"

"Shut up, Pinky!" Cedric snapped. "Anyway, here's what we saw."

A familiar screen began to do its job. The footage began, showing the tiny monkey sitting on the sofa watching TV. All was silent except for the TV blaring until something strange happened.

Half the living room wall was abruptly knocked down and bright lights streamed in from police helicopters. "Sakko, don't move! We have you surrounded!" Police officers suddenly streamed into Sakko's home through the hole in the wall.

"Whoa! How'd they get a _tank_ into Shuggazoom!" Sakko gasped. "Hey, what are you doing!" An officer had snapped a pair of cuffs onto Sakko. "If it's about that parking ticket I can explain!"

"This isn't about parking tickets monkey. This is much bigger!" a big man with a badge saying 'Shuggazoom Police Force' said gruffly. "We have reason to believe you robbed one of Shuggazoom's banks last Thursday. Nearly a thousand dollars was stolen."

"What evidence do you have?!" Sakko yelled.

The man showed Sakko a photo. It showed very clearly a small pink monkey running on the street dragging a small bag with him.

"What the? I never did that!"

"Search the house boys. See if he bought anything expensive lately."

Five minutes later, one of the younger police officers came running back. "We found three pairs of shoes. Same style but different colours. We also found the receipt in one of the shoe boxes. Three hundred dollars each pair! _And_ bought on Saturday. Two days after the robbery."

"What?! I like my shoes! Is it a crime to buy them in the same style but in different colours?"

"That's it, we're taking you to the station for interrogation."

And so, Sakko was dragged screaming and kicking to Shuggazoom Police Staion. The next morning he woke up in his own bed, thinking it was all a dream. He went to get some toast and headed to watch some TV, but was disappointed.

The hole in the living room wall was still there.

The footage ended, and Cedric cleared his throat. "Sakko's charge was false, and we just paid the police to do all that!"

"What?! Why you bunch of freakazoids! You paid those people to knock a hole in my house! I'm gonna kill you so much harer than before!"

Sakko continued his threats until Natalie said, "And now it's time for We Know You're Secret!"

_What the?_ Sakko thought. _This is new. I don't remember this in the meeting._

"For Sakko's secret, we have a special guest star!" Cedric yelled with a wide smile. "Make way for, Minniiiiiiie Mouse!"

Sakko squealed again. "Mom! What are you doing here?!"

"Hi Sakko sweetie." Minnie chirped. "What are you doing chained to that table?! And omigosh, you're EYE! What happened to your eye?! My son has an eye patch!!!"

Sakko groaned. "Now I remember why I moved out. She always nags me."

Then our rodent starlette notice the shreds of the skirt lying on the floor and screamed.

"_Now_ I see the resemblance! They have the same scream!" Natalie yelled triumphantly.

"What did you do to that skirt?! That skirt is a family heirloom! My great grandmother passed it down all the way to me! And I gave it to Sakko!"

"Um, did you ever notice that Sakko is male?" Natalie ventured.

Minnie just screamed again and passed out.

"Quick!" Sakko yelled. "Put her in a sack and take her to the retirement home! Quickly people!!!"

Too late, because once Minnie woke up she filed a lawsuit against Torture Chamber for destroying the skirt. She lost. But it did make a good episode of Torture Chamber! Heehee.

**Haha! Wow, I just found out that I can be _that_ cruel!**

**I don't own everything in here, so I'll just say the Disclaimer again: Minnie Mouse belongs to Walt Disney, not me. The idea for Minnie Mouse as Sakko's mum is FunnyLoveGirl's, not mine, and I give her full credit for the notion. And I don't own SRMTHFG either, as you all know. But R&R anyway!**


	10. Victim 3 sort of: Hydra Monster

**A/N: I've been puzzling over whether to do_ every_ single villain from Season 1 and 2 of SRMTHFG or just stick with the memorable ones, the ones that I can actually tie down to the Torture table. So anyway, here's a short look into the no doubt embarrassing life of... Hydra Monster!**

Victim 3 (sort of): Hydra Monster

"Hi Shuggazooom, this is Natalie Teasedale, with our very own, Hydra Monster! Give a round of applause for the disgusting slug-like thing that nearly destryed our city people! Yeah!" Natalie was underwater, in a wetsuit with tons of diving gear strapped to her waist. And doing an interview with Hydra Monster.

"Now Hydra, we understand that you had a difficult childhood. Can you elaborate on that?"

The slug thingy with lots and lots of sharp teeth (And I am talking _lots_) and countless tentacles... well...waved his tentacles around. Well there wasn't much else the monster _could_ do. Except try to eat Natalie. What? You didn't expect him to actually answer back did you?

Or did he...

One of Torture Chamber's technicians was sitting cross-legged on the sea bed, a waterproof laptop in front of him. On the screen were wavy lines. Like soundwaves, or that screen in the hospitals that tell you your heart rate. Apparently, Hydra's tentacles produced electromagnetic waves. Lucky for Torture Chamber.

"What are you getting Alex?" Natalie took a peek at the laptop screen. She heard a familiar tune. And then she slapped Alex. "What are you doing listening to _Greensleeves _Al?! Get back to work! The boss is paying us extra for this job!" Bubbles were flying around everywhere.

"Alright alright!" Alex turned off the computer music player. Instantly, a crackling could be heard.

"...you kidding me?! Dang right I had a hard life! I started off as one in 54 of larvae stuck in a bowl. We sat there for weeks, on the arm of Skeleton King's throne. The weather in there is **not nice**, let me tell you! Then one stupid boring day the bone-head tossed me onto a board. It was so brightly coloured, I couldn't stand it, I tell ya! Then for some reason, I was here. Quick as a flash I was in this weird place with no contact with my family! I swore at Skeleton King for a while, then I started to look for food. You can't blame a guy for that, I was scared, tired and hungry. Jeez, I was hungry alright. Along the way I grew these really cool teeth, I never had teeth before. But I absolutely _hate_ these tentacles! They get in the way all the time!"

Natalie punched the water in delight. "So, you hate the Skeleton King and those tentacles?"

Hydra Monster twirled his tentacles again, rather angrily. The laptop screen crackled. "Dang right I hate him! And these tentacles are so annoying! They get caught in everything. I'm gonna get that idiotic fancy-pants Mr 'I'm too good to do my own dirty work to take over the planet' someday! Especially when..."

Natalie cut Hydra off. "Did you meet up with the Monkey Team at any time?"

Hydra sort of shrugged his tentacles. "Five little monkeys? Yeah, they came when I was halfway through a train. I swiped at them for a bit, managed to catch them too. Good practice for the day I go after Skelly boy. You ain't seen nothing yet bony-face... And you know what the real reason I want to get revenge on that moron?"

Natalie was beginning to get freaked out by this giant underwater worm with his deranged plans of vengeance. "What's the reason?" she asked shakily.

"Because, _because_, a few days after the Monkey Team went away, I got a message! And you know what that message was?!" Pink-ish foam had begun to ooze out of Hydra Monster's mouth. Hydra Monster's tentacles prepared for a big final sentence. Hydra let fly, his tentacles thrashing about with rage.

"I was told that Skeleton King ate Jake! My own brother, SK _ate_ him! He ate him, I tell ya! He was a little younger than me, four seconds. My lil bro! And Skeleton King killed him! That's why, THAT'S WHY I WILL GET HIM SOMEDAY!!!" Hydra Monster stretched his tentacles up in a scream of anger.

Then the laptop blew up.

Natalie, Alex and the cameraman swam up to the surface. Alex waved a USB chip at Natalie, and she gave him a thumbs up. The cameraman signalled that the tape was intact as well.

"That job went okay I guess." Alex commented, small bubbles spilling from his mask.

_Does this diving gear make me look fat? _Natalie wondered. When she heard Alex's voice, Natalie shrugged. "I still don't get why I was stuck with the sea slug when lucky old Cedric ended up with Planetoid Q!"

**Read about _that_, in the next chapter...**


	11. Victim 4 not really: Planetoid Q

**A/N:** **The chapter prior to this one wasn't tortur-ish, and neither is this. Ah well. Skip it if you want. Whatever.**

Victim 4 (not really): Planetoid Q

"Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh **THIS IS SO TOTALLY AWESOME!!!**"

"What, you telling me you've never been in outer space before?" Sprx raised a eyebrow.

Cedric shook his head, without taking his eyes from the Super Robot's viewing screen. "This. Is so. Cool!"

"Weirdo." Sprx muttered.

Gibson banged his fist against the main computer in frustration. "Q's supposed to be around here somewhere!" Well, last time the Monkey Team saw Q he was floating away in who knows what direction. So I predict that it'll take them weeks at the very least to track-

"Yo Q! My monkey man!"

-Okay, never mind.

Indeed it was Q, a giant mass of rock floating in space, oddly enough shaped as a robot monkey's head.

"Wow." Cedric's mouth was like a hole in a donut. "This job, ROCKS!"

"Okay Cedric, I'm supposed to take you out, get a few sentences, then we're going straight back. Kay?" Chiro lectured. "But first I have to go through alll the safety measures with you. Now this is-"

"Yah, whatever. Hey, what happens if the planetoid can't hear me?"

"As I was saying, this thing here-"

"Do I get to wear a spacesuit?"

"**This thing keeps you alive!**"

"Hey, are we landing on him?"

Chiro groaned. "Just put on the suit and get outta here."

"Alright! I'm going in outer space, I'm going in outer space..." Cedric sang.

A short while later, Chiro, Cedric and a cameraman were standing on the spike on Q's robot monkey head. And Cedric was overjoyed.

"It's one small pace for a man, one giant jump- Wait, I forgot what that other guy said when he landed on Ranger 7. Aw man. Oh well. What?! Is that camera rolling?! Holy cow, hello folks, I'm Cedric Angriff, here on Planetoid Q! I'm sure you all remember, him, he scared the pee out of everyone in the city. Q! What is it like to know that you're about to crash into an inhabited planet, possibly shattering you into a few chunks which will then scatter off into space, and knowing it was all because some idiot told you to?!"

"Don't mention that to me..." the mass of rock growled. "Chiro! I told you not to remind me of that for at least another year! It's _embarrassing!"_

"He had a tough childhood." Chiro whispered.

"Sweet! Inside information!" Despite the frantic gestures and mouthings of 'No! Don't mention his childhood!' from Chiro, Cedric plouged on. "Planetoid Q, can you describe your early life?!"

It was around this time that Q noticed an unfamiliar person on him and another human with a camera. "What the? This is being filmed?! No way! Hey Chiro, is the left side of my face okay? I went through an asteroid belt two weeks ago and the rock over there's a bit slack."

"Just hurry up and get the stupid questions done." Chiro retired to sitting cross-legged on his planetoid, picking at some loose jagged bits in the formation of the rock.

"So Q, about life as a planetoid kid?" Cedric leaned forwards eagerly.

"It was tough, my mom embarrassed me a lot at school. All the kids teased me about it. It was really hard, you don't know what it's like when your mother shows up at _every_ school function! Even our farewell night for the students leaving the school to secondary! She was always there! Like she's just _there _man, it's horrible! It's just horrible dude. SHE'S JUST THERE!" If Q could have darted his eyes around like a mentally ill person, he would have.

Cedric nodded. "Didn't you go to see the school psychologist?"

"Mom was the principal!!! She fired the psychologist two years after I started school!" Q shrieked.

Cedric started. "Good grief! Harsh, Q, harsh!"

"I dropped out of high school after three years." Q mumbled sadly.

"Because of your mum?"

"Nah, she was a primary school principal. Twas the kids in high school. They bullied me after every lunch. Beat me up till half of my planetoid face was a surreal painting. After a while I just did what they said to avoid getting beat up. Most of the time I ended up humiliated or injured. But I did it anyway."

"So that's why you obeyed Skeleton King!" Cedric yelled. "Q, you need serious help. I know a self-help group downtown Shuggazoom..."

Chiro's head looked up. "That 'Learn to Love Yourself' place? Nah, a friend of mine recommended a good psychiatrist in the next galaxy on the left. You should go there Q. Just wait till we get off first!"

It was either the sleek-looking space craft that sped by Planetoid Q at that time, or it was Q which had made a start on the journey to the next galaxy on the left, that caused Chiro, Cedric and the cameraman to plummet violently off Q and into empty space.

"Stupid space driver!" Chiro yelled. "There's a _planetoid_ here!"

"A very pitiful planetoid. I can see the headlines now... 'School Bullies Don't Aim For Just You, Kids'. Nah, too weird-sounding... Hey, are we gonna just float here in space until we run out of essential oxygen and die?"

Chiro glanced at the oxygen levels. They had been spending too much time outside of the safety of the Super Robot. "Oh monkey doodle."

"Cool! I'm gonna die in space, I'm gonna die in space..."

Then Q swallowed them.

**And space travel safetly is no laughing matter. Neither is school bullies. One day you will be drifting in space, and then this mean guy with a skull for a head will ask you to collide with a planet. Okay, maybe not.**

**Now _that _chapter was boring and pointless! Scapperton's next, and I will actually torture him! Promise!**


	12. Victim 5: Scrapperton

**A/N: At last! The school holidays! Freedom! Boredom!**

**Le Dislaimer: I don't own SRMTHFG, you all know that.**

Victim 5: Scrapperton

"Oh my, what a strange place tick tock." After a while, the robotic earl soon recongnised the room from a pamphlet he received about a month ago. Something about being among the best of the evil characters from the first and second season of SRMTHFG and if he wanted to have a job working for a TV show where they torture the Monkey Team.

In the gloom Scrapperton spotted a man. A suit, high-collared cape and claws on his figertips. "Lord Scrapperton," the man began. "We welcome you graciously, to the," "**Torture Chamber!**"

"Oh yeah, that's the name of it! Oh, where are those voices coming tick tock from? Hey! Is that a Yu Gi Oh card?! I hate to boast, but I possess a copy of every single Yu Gi Oh card produced in the universe." Oh well done, Scrapperton. You just pretty much guaranteed yourself a rip-roaring torture time.

"Really? Every card?" a good-looking woman in a tight black dress said with mock disbelief. "Well this card deck isn't mine." The woman leaned forwards until her face was inches away from Scapperton's. Then, with a single draw of breath, "It's yours."

Scrapperton burst. "Whua?! I do not tolerate stealing, tick tock I don't! Return that deck to me at once! I believe it is the one with my most rarest of Monster cards. Give it back to me!"

"Ummm... No. You see, I don't like Yu Gi Oh. Corrupts children all over the world these days." Natalie bared her pointed teeth. "And I have...extreme ways of dealing with it."

"**You crazy tick tocking woman! **Drop the cigarette lighter NOW! Don't you know smoking is bad for you?!" Then he squealed like a panicked girl. Flames engulfed the first card, and Scrapperton's eyes widened.

The robotic lord, chained to the metal table, began moaning as soon as the first card was reduced to ash on the floor. Then he just plain screamed at his captors. "Do you know just how long it took me to get those cards?! I went on Ebay for hours on end to get those things! Hours on end! Cost me a _fortune_ to beat all those Yu Gi Oh fanatics too!"

"They're fanatics and you're not?"

"Shut your mouth! What do you know about collector's items such as these cards? And I thought you only tortured the Monkey Team here?!"

"Oh, that was _so_ old." Natalie droned.

"This is the second season buddy! Of," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"What the ticking tock is going on here?" Scrapperton demanded as studio lights flashed on.

"It's the Torture Chamber! Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale."

"Tonight folks, our victim is Lord Scrapperton! Grand Earl of the Mecha Realm! This time, for the Humiliation segment, we've tried a new technique. We have enlisted some willing citizens, who have been paid handsomely, to give this old robot a hard time. Let's take a look!"

The mighty humiliating screen of utter and complete humiliation slid down and began its work. Scrapperton had no intestines left in him, but he had this weird gut feeling that something bad was about to happen.

From the vantage point of a brave cameraman who was hidden in a tree nearby, Scrapperton was walking through the busy pathways of the inner city of Shuggazoom.

"Can't _believe_ the only place I can get good-quality lubricant is on this stupid planet!" he muttered.

Then a guy in a suit walked up to the robot, completely blocking his path. " 'Scuse me, but do you have the time?"

_Why does everyone think I have a watch just because I say tick tock all the time?! _Scrapperton yelled in his head. "Sorry, but I don't have a watch on me." he said, quite tolerably.

A teenage girl spoke up. "Um listen dude," she said to the man. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this is a guy that says tick tock every two seconds! He's trying to get you out of his face."

And elderly woman strolled up. "How rude! When someone asks you for the time you gave them the time! You didn't run away from them in my day!"

The girl rolled her eyes. "This is the guy that replaced all his human parts with robotic pieces. Remember?"

"_Upgraded_!" Scrapperton huffed.

"Yeah, whatever." A boy also in his teens appeared on the scene. "Ya walking clock." he muttered. Not quietly enough, for Scrapperton wouldn't put up with an annoying man, a lecturing granny, a know-it-all teen girl, _and_ an insulting boy with pimples in a time frame of five minutes.

"_Excuse me?!_ You calling me a _clock_?"

"Well... Yeah."

"I beg your pardon! A clock is something on the classroom wall that the sort of person _you_ are stare at every minute of the day! Not a freely-moving robot such as I!" Scrapperton had quite a knack for making good comebacks.

But, so did the boy. "Uh, _you're_ the one that says TICK TOCK every nanosecond!"

"I do not say tick tock every nanosecond!"

"See! You just said it!"

"Well, it wasn't a nanosecond!"

"Whatever! But I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't spend your summer holidays in a _coo-coo clock_!"

By this time a small crowd had gathered around the quarreling pair. They 'oohed' and 'ahhed' as the two came up with witty comebacks.

"It's a glitch! And it's nothing to be ashamed of!"

"Then why do you say tick tock every waking minute of the day when you're not a clock?!"

"Didn't you hear what I just said?! It's a frikking _glitch!!! Okay dim-wit?!_"

"Well you _should_ have the time, cuz your the one that switched your intestines for cogs! I'd say that's pretty stupid if your not getting a university degree in time-keeping!"

"I'm not a stupid clock!" Scrapperton yelled at the boy. "And I don't have the stupid time!" Scrapperton screamed into the man's face.

"Okay, okay dude! No need to short circuit!" The man walked away, glaring over his shoulder.

The teenage boy wanted some more. "Stupid walking clock." he said as he was on his way.

Scrapperton snapped. His head came free, the metal jointed legs coming out at the base. Scrapperton's head leapt at the boy, the metal limbs clawing at his face until the boy screamed in agony and begged for mercy.

"Tick. Tock. Hehehehe."

Scrapperton hissed. "Stupid pubescent kid. And you paid him to do that to me! I hate you!"

"Hey, you're gonna hate us a lot more when we're done with you." Cedric smirked.

"It's not over?" Scrapperton whimpered.

"Nope! It's time for We Know Your Secret! Now, Scrappy here is notorious for his collecting problems. We dug up some snippets of his collecting endeavours. **Ten collections in ten seconds**!"

1) "I have a tape recording of Z is for Zenith from the W.I.T.C.H. TV series for $2! Do I see a $2.50? Anyone?"

Scrapperton looked around nervously before raising his hand.

"I have $2.50! Going once going twice SOLD!"

"What tick tock?" Scrapperton looked at the people staring at him. "I'm interested in the Miranda/Cedric relationship!"

2) "Oh no you don't!" Scrapperton yelled at his computer. He placed a higher bid by ten cents. "That lock of Britney Speares' hair is MINE!!! See you at tick tock Tom Cruise's hair, _celebrity chihuahua297_!!!"

3) Scrapperton strolled into Target (it's just a shop that sells almost everything if you're wondering). He headed straight for the children's books section. He ran along the shelves until he found what he was looking for. "Yes!!!" he crowed. "Book 16 of W.I.T.C.H.! It's here! Tick tock!"

4) Scrapperton stepped backwards as quickly as he could. His eyes hadn't deceived him. "A new Sonic the Hedgehog game! Tick tock baby! Where's my credit card?"

5) Lord Scrapperton, Grand Earl of the Mecha Realm, laughed evilly. He was in his domain, piled high with his collection. "Yesss!" he hissed. "I now have every species of dog known to man! Haha!" _Then_ he realised that one of them was peeing on his foot. "Hey! I _rust _you know!"

6) The robot earl puffed and straightened his back. "Nearly there..." He put another two dollars into the machine and turned the knob. A plastic ball rolled down the tubes and deposited out into Scrapperton's hands. He quickly prised the plastic ball apart into two and took out a small plastic figurine. "Ariel the mermaid! I already have that one! I need tick tocking Cinderella dangit!"

7) Scrapperton was home. He chuckled to himself. He had just bought a car.

One for every colour they had at the car dealer.

Only one thing left to do. Make room for 116 cars in his collection.

8) "Yes!" the robot lord cried out in glee. "I have every variety of frangipani tree that ever came into existence in my own home! But jeez, I hope the birds don't come and poop."

9) Scrapperton was barely visible behind the large cluster of ballons. _Very_ large. "It took a while," he said. "But I have a balloon in every shade and hue you can imagine! Plus plenty more that you can't!"

The big one: 10) "Haha! My collection is complete! I just got my Antauri figurine!" Scrapperton carefully placed his new toy next to the others. Then he sang the theme song. "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! If you need a hero that's the name you should know! Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go! Come on with us, let's go!"

Cedric twitched. "Dude, you got problems. Big problems."

"Oh, and _now _you tick tocking notice?! Crazy tick tocking people."

**Yippee ya yay! I did my first Torture chapter with torture in it since Sakko! Too bad I'm gonna have to do those sort of chapters again as soon as I do the Sun Riders and Mandarin, and then it's Elevator Monster and Flytor. Ah well, it's going to be a while until then! Enjoy and R&R!**


	13. Victim 6: Super Quasier

**A/N: I have nothing to say. Except that I just said that... Time travel and paradoxes and oxymorons are always CONFUSING! Sometimes...**

**Disclaimer that pains me so: I own nothing within this story except for my Torture Chamber.**

Victim 6: Super Quasier

Quasier stared giddily up at the ceiling, his tongue poking out of one side of his mouth.

"I think we gassed him with the wrong stuff!" Cedric whispered.

Natalie near slapped him."Gee, you think?!"

"I think it's nitrous oxide."

Natalie slapped a hand to her forehead. "Great, just great! Just peachy! I was really looking forward to this one! And we gas him with laughing gas instead!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Cedric asked Super Quasier.

He busrt out into uncontrollable, hysterical laughter. "Hey, haha, you're really funny mate!"

"This day...just got crapppier." Natalie groaned.

"Uh, welcome to the," **"Torture Chamber?"**

"Oooh, what's that?" Quasier was infatuated with Cedric's cape and began trying to catch it, only, his arms were chained down to a metal table.

Cedric ran and turned around, trying to get away from the ever-so-creepy Super Quasier. "Natalie..." Cedric's co-host held out a small square of material in front of Cedric's face and he took it. "Oh yeah... I forgot the Torture bit..."

Cedric was holding a face washer. Oddly enough, it was bright yellow and had a pink bunny embroidered in the centre. And Super Quasier's eyes widened.

"Hey, is that George?"

"Please tell me he's talking about the rabbit and not the face washer!" Natalie cried. "Please, otherwise it'll be too weird to bear!"

"I think it's the face washer Nat." Cedric answered. Then he heard a strangled cry as Natalie Teasedale stumbled off set and showed what she had for lunch to the rest of the crew. _Nachos?!_ Oh well, at least we know she's not anorexic.

"Hey, that _is_ George! Can I hold him please mister? He is mine after all. Hey, what are you doing?" Then Super Quasier gasped. "Why are you burning George?" Then he screamed. And screamed until half of George was black flakes on the ground.

"Oh my **god!** You are toast people, you hear me?! **TOAST!!!**" Oh, the laughing gas wore off. That was quick.

"Well too bad!" Cedric yelled back. "You're in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"What the?" Quasier yelled as harsh lights flicked on. "Whoa, all those people. Um, what just happened?" Then Quasier's eyes fell on the remains of his favourite childhood face washer. "Oh... If anyone asks, that thing isn't mine." That's when he saw the TV camera to his left. "Ah nuts." Now he knew why the name Torture Chamber sounded so familiar. It was that TV show that Johnny made such a point in watching every week. And taping every single episode. Sometimes Aurora and Quasier joined him, but they didn't make such a big deal out of it. Johnny Sunspot, however, was a fanatic. An absolute fanatic. But the Sun Riders had been on an island holiday for the last month so they hadn't witnessed their...uh...unfortunate preceding fellows. "I thought you only did the Monkey Team?"

"Second season pal. The villains!" Cedric proclaimed proudly. "I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale. Welcome to the Torture Chamber!"

"Tonight, it's Super Quasier! Let us take a look into what he does when he thinks no one is watching..."

The familiar screen began to slide dpwn over the back wall, and Super Quasier had watched enough episodes of this show to know that he was gonna get his butt whooped.

The first piece of footage showed Quasier sitting on his bed watching the TV in his room. Now, there was nothing wrong with that. Even the beer on the desk wasn't that bad. After a while Quasier stood up and turned off the TV. That wasn't exactly illegal, a guy can have enough television for one day if he wants to. Super Quasier then moved over to his CD player. What? Yes, I made the guy have a CD player. It's not a crime to listen to a CD you know.

What was wrong with this picture? What was so amazingly scary that would earn this tape a place on Torture Chamber, where torture and humiliation ruled?

_"It's Peanut Butter and Jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly!" _the speakers blared.

Oh. That. What? Not enough? Read on, and try not to vomit on your computer.

Action Man undies and all... Super Quasier paraded around his room, singing horridly off-key along with the music. And...grab a bucket folks...

Natalie hurled once more, unable to take the gruesome sight of Super Quasier shaking his bum around and not feel faint. Hey, is that a salad? I see tomatoes!

The horrifying image branded itself into the unfortunate minds of the studio audience. Hey, it might not sound that bad to you, but all you see is letters. Those poor people, they wanted to claw their eyes and ears out. You too can achieve this effect. Just let your imagination go...

...Okay, I take it back, DON'T imagine a dang thing! Oh no, you did, didn't you? Too late now folks.

"You had to show that, didn't you?" Quasier's face had paled, then turned beetroot red in a matter of minutes.

"I now rather wish we didn't." Cedric moaned. "We'll get into We Know You're Secret after the break folks." Then he threw up.

"Huh?" We Know You're Secret, eh? This was new.

The hosts had soon recovered, and grabbed a packet of chips to refill their stomachs. When the commercial break ended, they got right back to business. "Right now, Shuggazoom, it ain't over yet. We still have We Know You're Secret to do!"

"And it won't be pretty, let me tell you." Natalie Teasedale warned.

"I think this story's not ours to tell, eh Nat?" Cedric whipped out his left hand. It was in a sock puppet.

"Oh no. No no no no! Put that thing away! Aw man..." Quasier begged.

"Hello Quasier!" Cedric made the sock puppet say.

"Shut up Al."

"But don't you remember me Quasier?" Al/Cedric Angriff said. "I was the sock puppet your mom made you after your goldfish died! From then on I was your pet. And guess what everyone? I still am! You take me everywhere, don't cha? You take me everywhere you go..." the puppet went on, like an annoying puppet on a children's show that states the obvious.

"I said shut up!" Super Quasier roared.

"You even take me with you when you go on holiday! You sleep with me too!"

"Right, that's it! You're going down Al!" But he could do nothing except try to shrink in his chains as everyone in a 10 mile radius laughed until they needed to start breathing again, peed in their pants, rolled around blindly on the floor, or something else horrible but funny anyways.

Natalie wiped the tears of laughter away. "Hah! Oh, that's priceless. Let's do it again!"

"Nah, I think he's had enough." Cedric said. "Don't you think so Al?" he asked his hand. "Yes I do, yes I do Cedric! I think that Super Quasier's been humiliated by a sock plenty!" Cedric made it say.

"Now can I please get back to my holiday?" Quasier grumbled. "I didn't get gassed unconsious in the hotel room to put up with this!"

"Don't you try and warn your friends! There's something in it for you!"

"Oh, and pray tell what that might be?" Quasier shot back sarcastically at Natalie. "Why would I want to see my friends tortured before my very eyes just for television?"

"You get paid for it, for one." Cedric Angriff said. "And you get to see your friends tortured before your very eyes just for television!"

"Okay... Sweet! Torture away guys!"

"Okay then, see you next week Shuggazoom!"

"And Cedric." Natalie said.

_"Yeah_?" Cedric was hinting at something.

"Get that stupid sock puppet out of my face!"

_**Somewhere on some island**_

Aurora 6 ordered another lime soda. She sat back in her deckchair by the pool, reading her magazine. Her large hat protected her precious hair from sun damage while the rest of her body tanned like there was no tomorrow. She lowered her sunglasses every now and then to smile mysteriously at the muscly young men with bleached blonde hair that stared at her, then waved with a stupid grin, trying to act cool, then turned around and tripped over a table.

"You think the VCR recorded Torture Chamber properly?" Johnny Sunspot asked from the swimming pool.

Aurora rolled her eyes. It had been the third time that day. "Yes Johnny, I think that the VCR recorded your TV show properly." she said just to shut him up.

But shut up he did not. "But what if I didn't set the timer right?"

"I'm sure it's taping away fine Johnny."

Johnny swam up to the edge of the pool, close to Aurora so that his voice was louder. Or more annoying. "But what if it runs out of tape? The last episode I saw was Nova. What if they have another season?"

"Who are they going to torture Johnny? The villains? I don't think so!" Aurora 6 laughed.

"Anyway, where's Quasier? He went to get his swimming trunks half an hour ago." Johnny climbed out and towelled his fiery red hair dry. "You don't think he's in any trouble do you?"

Aurora suddenly shivered.

"Why did you just shudder?"

"I don't know..." She shook it off. "Anyway, Quasier's probably not in any trouble. Most likely exercising his bad pick-up muscle. He''ll be fine, and so will we. Now quit asking me questions and grab some lunch or something."

**Mua. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha!**


	14. Victim 7: Aurora 6

**A/N: (sings weird tune) I am on a roll!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything from SRMTHFG, that clear?**

Victim 7: Aurora 6

"Wha? What's going on here?" Aurora squirmed in the chains bound tight around her.

"Hello Aurora. Welcome to the," **"Torture Chamber!''**

Auora's head whipped around, searching for the source of the sound. There was very little light, but she could just make out a very curvy figure. "You!" she hissed.

"Took your time Aurora!" Natalie yelled back.

"What do you want from me Natalie?!"

"Oh, just a little screaming." Natalie said innocently. Out of nowhere, she clutched a long necklace and held it in Aurora's face. "Start screamin girl!"

Aurora's mouth fell open. "You old witch! That's the necklace I wore during my first kiss with Cole!"

"That was only two months after my first date with him! You corrupted him!" Natalie straightened up. "And for that you shall pay. Cedric!"

"Oh, **I exist again!**" The whining man brought over a pair of very large, lethal-looking scissors.

Natalie grinned, rather evilly. "I hear snipping but I don't hear screaming! No problem, that should come soon..." Natalie folded the neclace several times, so that when she cut it it would be beyond repair. Natalie brought the scissors closer...

"All those sleepovers... All those times I gave you fashion advice! All I wasted on you!"

"Oh shut up. Too late for that now Aurora!"

The beads flew through the air and scattered across the floor. Aurora stared in shock as they slowly rolled away, her eyelids twitching. "I hate you." she pouted.

Natalie only laughed. "Likewise!"

"Aurora 6!" Cedric said at last. "You are in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"Oh great, you bring me on this stupid TV show." Aurora said.

"Insult the Torture Chamber, get more torture later!"

"Ah nuts." Aurora said under her breath. The screen was coming.

Cedric and Natalie quickly introduced the show, and they let rip the humiliating screen of humiliation. And Natalie quite enjoyed it.

Aurora gasped. "That's not a video of our Year 12 Farewell night is it?!" Indeed it was. The Grade 12s were having a huge party to celebrate the end of high school.

"Got it in one!" Natalie grinned ecstatically. "Oh oh oh! This is the part where you challenged the guys to a dance-off!"

The teen version of Aurora, very nice in a midnight blue dress, began dancing like a madwoman, flipping her head at a boy in a white tux and spiky gelled hair. He responded, pulling off the weirdest moves of the century. The other students forgot their own dancing, crowding tightly around the pair. Natalie egged Aurora on from the edge, shouting out dance moves tactics.

It was around this time that Aurora, being the enthusiastic dancer she was, was beginning to get dizzy with all the hard dancing. Soon Aurora ran out of energy, and plummeted forwards, her face meeting with the polished wood dancefloor. She sprang back up immediately, only to meet with horrendous laughter. Natalie Teasedale was the only one not smiling, clapping a hand to her mouth. Of course, they were still friends back then.

Red was creeping into Aurora's face. She ran for the toilets as fast as she could in her heels. And the entire year of students just kept on laughing.

"Do it in slo-mo!" an person from the audience yelled.

"With pleasure! Why didn't I think of that?!" Natalie grinned as the tech guy in the booth obeyed the request. The scene was played over again, and Aurora _slowly_ lurched forward. The guy was even bold enough to add special effects sounds as Aurora's nose crunched.

Aurora's face was red now, on the set. "I," she hissed. "Am **so** gonna kill you for that!!!"

"It ain't over yet!" Natalie crowed. "Shuggazoom, it's time for We Know You're Secret! Yippee!"

Cedric just grumbled to himself. Nat had taken all of his lines.

"Behold! The terrors of the Year Book!" Natalie held up a folder, quickly flipping over the pages. "School pictures school pictures school pictures BINGO!" Natalie held up the page to the camera and the audience. "Muahahahaha!"

"Aw man! She even took my evil laugh! No one messes with the laugh!"

"_This_, citizens of Shuggazoom, is Aurora 6, the great goregous actress of a children's show, in 9th grade," Natalie went on. "WITH BRACES!!!"

With that triumphant yell from Natalie, Aurora screamed, high-pitched and long, like she did when Skeleton King made her old.

Out of nowhere, or rather, the studio audience, Super Quasier leapt up and ran to the Torture table with a large pair of garden clippers. He cut Aurora's chains in one snip, an retreated quickly.

"Sorry!" he whispered to Cedric. "But if I hadn't done that, she would have _killed_ me later. You know how women are."

"Believe me, I do." came the answer.

The two men watched as Aurora stood up, shook off the remnants of the chains, and advanced on Natalie. The women circled each other, squinting. Then, with a blood-curdling battlecry, Aurora 6 leapt at her ex-best friend. They rolled around on the floor, screaming like Tasmanian devils and pulling at each other's hair, sometimes trying to swipe at their foe's eyes with their long nails.

"CAT FIGHT ON DECK!!!" the same audience member yelled, now revealed to be Nova. "What?" she asked Sprx and Otto after they shot her shocked looks. "I don't like her! You said that yourself Sprx!"

"Bit late for that warning." Cedric stated. "Women." he groaned.

**Well that was kinda strange. R&R anyways! I would have gotten this up earlier, but the site had an error. **


	15. Victim 8: Johnny Sunpot

**A/N: Johnny Sunspot's doom is at hand!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own SRMTHFG, you all realise that don't you?**

Victim 8: Johnny Sunspot

Johnny opened his eyes lazily. "What the heck is going on here?"

"Hello Johnny! Welcome to the, " **"Torture Chamber!"**

"Holy cow, Cedric Angriff and Natalie Teasedale! And I'm on Torture Chamber! Sweet! Wait..." Johnny Sunspot's eyes widened. "Oh cow."

Natalie laughed. "That's right Johnny! You're on Torture Chamber! And you're here to be tortured!"

Cedric did one of his famous evil laughs, brandishing a small book, at which Johnny looked at with fear.

"You're not gonna do what I think you're gonna do, are you?"

Cedric said nothing, only smiled. He flipped open the book, but did not try to damage it in any way. Instead, Johnny Sunspot received a worse punishement. "Dear Diary..." Cedric began.

"You put that down this instant!" the young boy interrupted. "You put that down and leave it alone, or- or I'll suck you into a black hole! I have them you know!"

"Oh really?" Cedric said mockingly. "And how-" Cedric stopped and listened to his co-host whispering quickly into his ear. Realisation dawned on him."Oh. Well folks, I guess you just don't mess with a guy with black holes in his gloves." Then a devillish look came into his eyes. "But I'm gonna try anyway! Yeehaw!" Cedric began ripping out the pages in a frenzy, the pieces of paper floating to the floor. When Cedric was holding nothing but the cover of the diary, he began dancing around the pile of useless paper in a tribal fashion, screaming out gibberish. Cedric even took out a cigarette lighter and set fire to the remains of Johnny Sunspot's diary.

"Oh cow! He hasn't taken his injections this week yet!" Natalie ran backstage, and promptly returned with a large, mean-looking syringe. "Say goodnight to the audience Cedric!" Natalie dived towards her co-host, struggling to get the needle near a blood vessel. But thankfully, she had good experience, as she had had a rather nasty brawl with her old high school friend the previous episode.

Cedric returned to sanity after a few minutes. "Alrighty, we pretty much botched up that bit." he said, returning straight to business.

"_We_?" Natalie questioned.

"Um, have you forgotten someone?" Johnny Sunspot asked.

"Who?"

"ME, dangit!"

"Oh, hi Me, welcome to the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

Accustomed to the bright lights and layout of the set, Johnny Sunspot looked straight at the closest camera, winked, and then lapped up the attention of the studio audience. Well, he _is_ a child actor.

"Okey dokey, tonight our victim is Johnny Sunspot! Give a round of applause folks, 'cause soon he'll be in a world of pain! Hope you enjoy what we've prepared for you this week, Shuggazoom!"

The screen began to cover the back wall of the set, and Johnny knew all too well what was happening next.

The events, brilliantly filmed by a Torture Chamber cameraman, took place only a few days before Johnny had been strapped down to the Torture table. It had been an ordinary day in Shuggazoom City. Johnny Sunspot had recently returned from an island holiday, and was contentedly walking around the streets, trying to get used to the smell of exhaust instead of salt water. Aurora 6 had retired to the shopping centre to, well...shop. Super Quasier had taken the bikes to the car wash.

Or so Johnny had been told.

It only took a few minutes to happen. Johnny was walking aimlessly through the city. And Quasier had leapt from the door of a shop, landed on top of Johnny, and bound his hands together with strong nylon chord. Aurora had quickly joined him, securing a bandana across the young boy's eyes. The two Sun Riders retreated after that, leaving their comrade squirming on the pavement, screaming threats at his unseen foes.

It was then that the Monkey Team appeared on the scene, led by a smirking Chiro. Chiro silently bent down beside Johnny, holding out his hand behind him at Antauri. His second-in-command placed a large jar in the boy's palm. Chiro unscrewed the lid, never taking his eyes off the child on the floor. The jar was open, and Chiro looked forward with relish to what he was about to do. The jar was filled with ooze. Not of the Formless type, but similar. It was slightly green in colour. Twas _pus_, taken from Flytor's twin, the abnormally large man that had caused quite a stir when he had caused a quarter of the city's population's baldness.

Johnny Sunspot would share their fate.

Chiro smiled slightly before tipping the entire contents of the jar onto Johnny's head.

I think you can imagine the rest.

The prankers quickly got out of range, leaving only Aurora 6 behind. She slowly reached for the bandana around Johnny Sunspot's head, pulled it loose with a flourish, and with the ease of long practice, tied it fashionably around her own head. The boy got up and shook his head.

"I swear, I was just tackled and my hands were tied, and I was blindfolded and everything!"

"Probably some punk kids. Oh! And they haven't untied you yet!" Aurora cried with fake concern. She freed Johnny, who soon realised that his head was covered with a rather unpleasant substance.

"Ew! Gross! What _is_ this goop?" The young boy was disgusted. "How did this happen?!"

Natalie stifled a snort, while Cedric was already guffawing.

Johnny looked around nervously. He had just seen how he was made hairless on the head, and no doubt the rest of the city had witnessed as well.

Natalie looked sideways at her co-host, her eyes glinting. "It's time."

Cedric nodded and made a move towards the boy on the table.

"No! Stay away! I'll Black Hole you!" he cried. But it was too late for threats or pleas of mercy now.

Cedric grabbed onto Johnny's fiery hair, and then...

Yanked it off altogether.

It was then, that the entire city of Shuggazoom, saw Johnny Sunspot, bald as an over-forty-year-old man, _live_ on television.

"Alright alright! I discovered I was bald and got a wig! What was I supposed to do? I find myself completely bald for no reason whatsoever, and I do nothing but wait for it to grow back?!" Then his eyes narrowed. "Well, it looks like I have a reason now."

Natalie allowed herself a short giggle fit before moving on. "And now, for the We Know Your Secret segment!"

"Get a load of this Shuggazoom!" Cedric said excitedly. "We contacted The Sun Riders TV show producers, and we have got valuable info! You heard it from us, straight from the producers of The Sun Riders," Cedric paused for breath. "_That Johnny Sunspot is not as tall as you think he is!!!_"

"Allow me to show you." Natalie said. She moved towards the poor boy, unable to do anything except brace himself. She grabbed onto his boots, and pulled them off with all her strength.

The large black boots came off with great difficulty, as it was essential that they did not come off during filming of the show. Natalie held up the shoes to the camera. "Inside, folks, are wooden panels, piled on top of each other! To make Johnny Sunspot, appear taller!" she yelled.

Cedric took over. "You see, Johnny was too short to reach the pedals the Sun Rider's robot, so they had to put wooden panels in his shoes to make him taller!"

"It's not my fault the budget was too low to alter the robot!" Johnny wailed.

Natalie called over a crew member to bring measuring tape. "Five inches of additional height!" she called out at last.

Johnny groaned as the studio audience gasped, then laughed at his under-the-average height.

"Shorty!"

"Chiro?! I am so going to kill you for this! You made me bald! And Aurora! I'm going to dye _your_ hair purple! How'd you like that?! And you too Quaiser! **And I am going to _destroy_ my manager! **Do you hear me?! I will destroy you Alan!" Johnny was angry. Very angry.

"I have black holes in my gloves you know!"

**Whoohoo! Finally got that done! Review, flame, eat marshmallows, whatever.**


	16. Victim 9: Mandarin

**A/N: Over long days of boredom, I have done it! I know how to torture Mandarin now! At last! I've cracked it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own SRMTHFG, or **_**anything else AT ALL.**_

Victim 9: Mandarin

Mandarin was the first of the super robot monkeys to be created... No wait, wrong one. (As I have said, I don't own that!) Mandarin was the first of the SRMTHFG villains to accept a job with Torture Chamber. He started by kidnapping Chiro, and from then on worked faithfully for the TV series. Every week, he had been a willing member of the hidden villain's studio audience, leaning forward in his chair. His eyes were fixed hungrily on the Torture table as his former team mates were tortured and humiliated for all to see.

On one particular night however, Mandarin got a nasty surprise. The executives had tried their best to deter him from attending, but this was _Otto's _episode. Who'd wanna miss that? Especially not a psychopathic monkey forever seeking revenge on his brothers. Towards the end of the night, the hosts excitedly announced that there was going to be a second season. A season, for the villains.

As any villain with his pride and honour would do, Mandarin leapt out of his seat and tried to get as far, far away as possible from the set. I'm sad to say, he failed to do that as four security guards jumped on him. His cries and hisses of doom for his captors could be heard for ages after that.

"Hey hey let go! I said let go! Let go I say! Pathetic humans! I will destroy you all! Let go! Let go of me or else! Unhand me filthy humans!" Hmmm, I think Skeleton King's a bad influence. It was at this point, that a very mean-looking syringe was revealed, and the contents of it was deposited right into Mandarin's bloodstream. The contents being of course, a sedative. Once Mandarin awoke, he found himself in a cell. He cursed at the Torture Chamber logo painted on the concrete floor. He was held captive for weeks, until his night finally came.

The night was tonight.

Mandarin sneered at the two people standing over him. They thought they could catch him like an animal and hold him down. Well, they were right. They could do those things very well.

The thought was very embarrassing for him.

"Hello Mandarin." Cedric purred. "I trust you are familiar with the," **"Torture Chamber!"**

"Hello Cedric. Natalie. Yeah yeah Torture Chamber whatever, I've heard it all before." Mandarin thought he might as well get it over and done with. "So, what have you got for me?"

"Well, we thought we might start off by torturing you with your most prized possession, then we could humiliate you with an embarrassing event. And we could tick you off with a horrible secret from your past. How does that sound?" Natalie asked.

"Sounds great." Mandarin groaned sarcastically.

Cedric took something from his cape and held it high. It was a CD case, which he then opened and took out the disc. It shone and glittered, even in the little light. "Muahahahahaha!" Cedric laughed. "I love being able to do that." he said. "Feast your eyes on this Mandarin!" He thrust the disc in the orange monkey's face.

Mandarin was near bursting with rage. He was trembling with bottled-up fury as he hissed at Cedric. "You, have _no idea_, HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO HIJACK THE HOOP AND GET TO PLANET EARTH FOR THAT DELTA GOODREM CD!"

The studio audience laughed immediately, snickering at the monkey's strange possession.

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up puny homo sapiens! I will obliterate you all someday!" Mandarin turned to the hosts. "And don't you _touch_ that CD case! Or I will annihilate you both!"

Natalie took the case in her hands. "Oh my... It's autographed! By Delta Goodrem! Jackpot!" she crowed. "Burn it Cedric!"

Mandarin screwed up his eyes as first Cedric snapped the CD, the shards flying everywhere, and then the man poured alcohol over the casing and set fire to it. As the flames leapt up, Mandarin opened his eyes again and to his horror, saw Cedric quickly douse the fire with a bucket of water. The remains were, well... Not worth calling remains really.

Mandarin's eyelids twitched, before he burst into a screaming and cursing frenzy, in monkey of course. He jerked in the chains that bound him to the table. His spit flew everywhere with his threatening words.

"People, we're going into the rabid stage. I repeat, we're going into the rabid stage!" Natalie yelled.

"Too late now!" Cedric said. "Mandarin, you're in the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

Mandarin hissed as the lights shone in his eyes. "Hey," he said, blinking rapidly. "What was that for?! God, we gotta get some new lights for the set." Then he saw that the screen was moving over the wall. A screen he knew all too well. "And maybe a new projector screen as well?"

"Shut yer mouth and watch yourself be humiliated." Cedric snapped.

"Hey! You _filmed_ that?! Aw man! You filmed it!" Mandarin cried. "I can't believe you guys filmed it!"

Mandarin was referring to the footage which he was now watching, along with everyone else in the city. Mandarin was sitting at a small table, playing poker. His opponents were: Robot Monkey Mandarin (he came via time machine), Mummy Mandarin (the one wrapped in bandages. Robot Monkey Mandarin picked him up), Steroid Mandarin (the big fleshy dude with purple plates), and Undead Mandarin (Skelemandarin that spent the weekend in the Dark One Hotel. He hitchhiked a time machine).

Since this story takes place between the episode In the Grip of Evil and Antauri's Masters, the Mandarin that I am torturing is the one we're more exposed to, Skelemandarin, who made his debut at the end of Versus Chiro. I'll just call him Mandarin. Robot Monkey Mandarin and Mummy Mandarin (seen in flashbacks and in Secret of the Sixth Monkey respectively) had come together in a time machine. The Mandarin that we see in The Fortress, The Skeleton King, and Versus Chiro, has been dubbed Steroid Mandarin, for Skeleton King changed him into a huge fleshy and purple weapon. And Undead Mandarin, is the Mandarin in Season 4, Skelemandarin a la undead (Curses, I can't find out how to do accents and graves on a keyboard). That one hitchhiked a time machine also.

All of these Mandarins were playing in a game of poker. And my Mandarin was losing. Robot Monkey Mandarin had his poker face on. Mummy Mandarin and Steroid Mandarin were just hoping for the best. Undead Mandarin was sweating profusely.

They revealed their cards, one by one. Robot Monkey Mandarin slapped them onto the table with great smugness.

"Read 'em and run home crying ta mama! Face it boys, I am younger and smarter than all of you!" he yelled as he adjusted his red shoulder pads and breast plate. "I take the pot! Mine! All mine!" His red pupils were shining.

Mandarin slapped his bony forehead. He had bet the most, all the money he had left, even more than his undead equivalent. "I swear, I thought you were a goner! I should have won!"

"Hence the name, 'poker face'." Robot Monkey Mandarin replied. "If you plan to win, you gotta do the poker face! It's basic stuff! Jeez, do monkeys lose their brain cells as they get older? 'Cause I don't wanna end up like you idiots."

Later that night, Mandarin spent a good three hours begging for money for a cab to get home. Idiota.

Cedric slapped his knees. "You play poker, and you forget all about the poker face?! Oh man! Hey hey, let's have a game after the show!" he joked.

"I can't believe you lost, _to yourself_! That's priceless!" Natalie gasped between laughs.

"Laugh all you want!" Mandarin bellowed. "I will control this planet one day!"

"You still plan on doing that?" Cedric questioned.

"Well, as soon as I'm done with the Skeleton King, I might make a start on it." Mandarin replied indignantly.

The hosts just shook their heads, and announced that it was time for We Know Your Secret.

"Now this one, is a beauty." Natalie said. "We were really happy when we dug this one up. Just watch the screen and see for yourselves!"

Eyes focused on the back wall again, it was a scene from Mandarin's life, only a few months ago.

"Hello folks, grab your seats, because the Annual Interplanetary Scissors Paper Rock Tournament For Annoying Talking Animals is about to begin!"

People bustled into the stands, finding a spot and sitting down. The contestants were limbering up, exercising their hands. Mandarin was among them. Well, he had nothing else to do during the weekend. His favoured choice was the rock. It suited him well.

The camera was focused on Mandarin only, catching every excruciating moment of the day. Mandarin's first opponent was Mushu, a small, red Chinese dragon. Mandarin laughed. He could beat the little guy, no sweat.

"Hey, that voice! Ain't you the guy that was tormenting Mulan when she was in the war camp?! Chi Fu! You better leave her alone from now on, I can take you!" Mushu balled up his small fists. "Hey, you don't look the same. Where's yer big blue hat? And why are you in a competion for annoying talking animals? You're a human!"

"No I'm not!" Mandarin answered back. "That's just some annoying guy from a Disney movie!" The two were too busy arguing that they nearly missed the start.

"Scissors paper rock!" the announcer yelled.

Mandarin was rock. Mushu was scissors.

"No way dude! The scissors never fail me! Never!"

"Tough for you mate." Mandarin smirked at Mushu's back, who was walking away, trying to convince Donkey from Shrek to play for him.

"I'll shout out what you should play! I can help you win!" Mushu whined.

"No way little dragon dude that has the same voice as me, I got hooves! I can't do scissors paper rock! I'm just here to watch Puss!"

And Puss in Boots was who Mandarin was pitted up against next.

"Fear me, if you dare! Puss! In Boots!"

"No, you should be fearing me!" Mandarin got a little defensive of his 'fear me, citizens of Shuggazoom' title, even when the people that were supposed to fear him weren't Shuggazoomian.

"Scissors paper rock!"

Mandarin gaped at the two hands thrust out in front of him. He was rock, of course.

Puss was paper.

"No. Way." Mandarin's eyes were as wide as planets. He had been knocked out of the competition after only the second round!

Gee, that was humiliating.

The studio audience of torture Chamber once again burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"I thought, that you were pathetic before, but it seems, it seems I was wrong!" Cedric managed to choke out.

"So very wrong!" Natalie agreed.

"Damn you people!" Mandarin screamed. "If I didn't need money to buy food I'd be outta this place in a millisecond!"

"Yeah, too bad about that whole 'need for money to survive' thing, huh?"

**It is done. Oi. Mandarin has some problems. Hope you enjoyed it, and had a good laugh.**

**I don't own Shrek, Mulan, or SRMTHFG. **

**Review!**


	17. Victim 10 are you joking: Elevator Mons

**A/N: And so it comes again. The dreaded monster chapter, in which there is hardly or none torture. Flee, before you actually read this!**

Victim 10 (are you joking?!): Elevator Monster

His eyes narrowed. He had once been used by the mighty Skeleton King, a noble tool in the master's rise.

Now, he was a tool of shopping-addicted pubescent teen gaga girls.

He had miraculously gained the power of speech a while back. He had been transferred to Shuggazoom's largest shopping mall a longer while back. He was reduced to bending to the will of the people he once terrorised. The buttons of the elevator were on his persons, plus he was eternally connected to the elevator itself. This caused him to be a servant of the mothers with groceries to buy, a servant of those detestable juvenile females! He had no escape whatsoever.

His doors opened. Someone needed his use. He nearly shut the doors again. His wrinkled mouth creased into a grimace. More of those awful adolescent girls. Three of them, clutching approximately five shopping bags each, bustled into his domain, no doubt to do more shopping.

"Hello," _You stupid, _"Shoppers of Shuggazoom Mall!" _Otherwise known as my place of daily torment... _"Would you like to got to Level 1 or 2?" _And _I'm_ unlucky enough to have to take you there!_

"Level 1 thanks Alan."

The man grimaced again. Janine was a regular shopper. And for some weird reason, insisted on calling him _Alan._ It must be her hormones or something.

"I mean, what kind of sick parents would name their kid _Elevator Monster_?" Janine had once said.

_A creator like Skeleton King. _he had thought._ I mean, he's got TV Monster. Then he made me! Blooming idiot. Could be a little more creative with the monster names. Something menacing, something that'd make them fear me instead of telling me what stupid level they want to shop on._

"Gosh, these elevators are really cool. I'm so glad you introduced me to this mall, Janine." one of her friends piped up. "And he's so cute too!"

_Don't make me sick._ Elevator Monster shuddered.

"No prob Claire! Friends don't let friends shop in the outdoor market their whole teen lives!"

_Ugh, hurry up and get to Level One!_ Elevator cried in his head. He couldn't take much more of this.

"You do get some good bargains there though." the third girl commented.

"Do they have Shuggazoom's one and only teleportational elevator?" Janine challenged. "Best elevator technology in the city girls." she smirked. "You don't even have to press any buttons!"

_Gargh, hurry up, I thought I was supposed to be teleporting there, not crawling! Ah, Level One, thank the Skeleton King! _"Level 1 girls. I hope you have a good time in Shuggazoom Mall. Please come again sometime!" he practically squeezed the words out of him.

But as soon as he was relieved of the teens, the women with the prams showed up. They were pretty common on Level 1, as three supermarkets were there.

"Hurry up, I'm a single mum, and I have to do some banking on Level 3! Hop to it!" one of them barked.

_It's going to be a long day. _Elevator groaned.

"That is such a sad story." one of the Torture Chamber executives said. They were going over the footage of Elevator Monster.

"Sad indeed." agreed another. "Let's put it on national television!"

"Alrighty!" The two hi-fived, and grinned. Elevator Monster had better be grateful he couldn't get to a TV, otherwise he'd be going through a lot more pain and torment.


	18. Victim supposed to be 11: Thingy

**A/N: I realised something. I forgot to do Thingy! Gah!**

Victim supposed to be 11: Thingy

The blue furry blob was...well...blobbing...along the street. Why it was blobbing, no one knew. Why it was even on a street of Shuggazoom no one knew either.

Anyway, the blue blob shivered as it passed a popular burger business. But it blobbed on its merry way. Why the blue blob was feeling merry, well no one knew that either. They don't seem to know a lot of things around here.

And now I am getting grossly off-topic, so shall we eat pancakes with cherry jam whilst swimming in a river, possibly situated in South America?

Uh, ahem. If that wasn't off-topic I don't know what is.

Back to that insignificant blue blob I'm supposed to be writing about! When we last left that blob, it was blobbing. And now we join Thingy, in its _un_natural habitat, doing what it does best. Blobbing along. Or possibly spicing up your next hamburger. Or licking you to pieces of saliva-covered flesh and giving you a free vaccination for Skeleton King's virus and five different strands of flu, I don't really know. I already told you, these people don't know much!

Short story shorter, Gibson showed up and shot it, and its famous body was fought over for months by the court, until Chiro kidnapped the corspe and put it in his hambuger. Not surprisingly, he ate it.

**Oh that poor Thingy. How could I be so cruel?! How could I get any more insane, I'm talking to myself! Again... Dammit...**


	19. Victim 12 you gotta be kidding: Flytor

**A/N: Nearly there. The torture shall resume shortly. But first, a quick look into the life of Flytor.**

Victim 12 (you've gotta be kidding me): Flytor

"No fighting at the table!"

At the caretaker's roar, the three monsters settled down on pain of being merged together again. As powerful as it made them by being joined, it wasn't very comfortable.

"Good little monsters. Bat! Get that out of your mouth! You'll ruin it for the others if you don't behave!" Sometimes the caretaker wondered why she had been stupid enough to volunteer to look after these three/one monster/s. They were such a handful!

"Now we're going to eat nicely, alright?" As soon as she had said that, the occupants of the table burst into chaos. Food flew everywhere, a few quarrels burst out.

"QUIET!Settle down! **I have the remote!**"

At this the room lapsed into silence again. The caretaker was grateful for the remote Mr Hal Gibson had given her. It was a remote he had designed and Otto had built prior to the Flytor incident. The remote could capture the three monsters, trap them into protective purple bubbles, and merge them together. It was what had caused the whole incident in the first place, but now it could be used to retain order in the household.

"Good. Now let's just-" The caretaker was cut off by Crab clamping a claw onto Plant. The plant monster screamed, and tried to fight back. Not wanting to miss out on the squirmish, Bat dug its teeth into its plant-like brother as well. A fully-fledged sibling war broke out in mere seconds.

Their caretaker buried her head in her hands. "Maybe I should give Super Nanny a call..."


	20. Victim 13: Gyrus Krinkle

**A/N: The school holidays are over (gah!), much to my dismay. Two tests in the first two weeks! I hate Thursdays! And Tuesdays, because my bag is so heavy! In fact I hate high school altogether! Why am I telling you that?! Why am I yelling everything?! I don't know!**

**Ye Relatively New Disclaimer: I dost not possess SRMTHFG. All that is thine is Torture Chaymber.**

Victim 13: Krinkle

"This is rather odd." Gyrus Krinkle commented as he gazed at his surroundings.

"Gyrus! Welcome to our humble abode." a man with a strange-looking cape and claws siad. "The," **"Torture Chamber!"**

"Well, it's gotta be better than the menatal asylum. Much better company too, by the sound of that very large-sounding crowd. But no one beats the Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go!!!" The man then proceeded to laugh like a frog on steroids.

"Man, he's been stuck in there for way too long." a woman standing beside the man whispered.

"Yeah. So I think it's time for some _therapy_!" Cedric thrust a small stuffed toy in front of Krinkle's face. More like a small black beanbag with a head. But still very cute, the little rag doll. "Okay buddy, here's the deal. This is Antauri, this is a very good-quality pair if fake claws. Catch my drift?"

Gyrus tilted his head and thought for a moment. "Uh, no. Not really. But god, is that _cute_! The little bobbly head, and those stitches on the arms..." Krinkle abruptly stopped and just stared in horror. For Cedric had torn off the 'cute' head altogether in his hands. A bit of cotton stuffing fell from the opening in the neck and landed in Gyrus Krinkle's mouth. He gagged and spit it out. "You- You just tore off his head! You just tore off that adorable head! I'm going to get you for that!" Gyrus attempted to 'get Cedric for that', rather fruitlessly I might add. I put chains in this story for a reason you know!

Cedric jumped out of Krinkle's reach, even though his reach didn't have a range worthy of being concerned over. "Oh, I'm sooo scared." Cedric added emphasis to this by waving his hands above his head. "A crazy man is out to get me because I ripped apart a stupid beanbag!"

"You should all know by now, that I do strange things when I'm feeling crazy!" Gyrus warned.

"**Oh god!** Oh god, get him offa me! Jeezuz, he really is crazy! Oh for the love of god! Agh!" Cedric screamed at Gyrus' teeth clamped tightly and painfully on his hand.

"You were warned!" Gyrus shot back. By saying that he had to relinquish his grip on Cedric's hand, and the TV presenter stepped back hastily staring at his fingers.

"I have insane saliva on me!" he wailed.

Natalie supressed a laugh. She spread her arms wide for a bit of extra effect. "Boys, welcome to the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!" **the faithful audience cried.

Cedric glared at his co-host. She just shrugged.

"I'm a sadist!" Natalie said defensively. "It was part of the job description!"

"I'm Cedric Angriff, this is Natalie Teasedale my sadistic 'friend', and here is some psychopathic dude. You're looking at three weird people on a TV show."

Natalie shook her head at him. "Your pay shall be cut!" she mouthed at him. In her TV voice she said, "This is Torture Chamber, and this time, our victim of Gyrus Krinkle! You all know him, he was the former CleanOps employee that was obssessed with the Monkey Team. And now, let's see what happens when Gryus' love of the monkeys gets him into big trouble!"

"Is that a screen? Is that footage? Holy cow, is that _me?!_ What on Shuggazoom are you doing filming me?!"

"Not on Shuggazoom, Gyrus." Cedric corrected. "On Ranger 7!"

Indeed it was Ranger 7, and it _was_ Krinkle, running across the barren land of Shuggazoom's moon.

"No! You can't make me! Nooo! Keep those pills away from me! You'll never take me _aliiivvveee!_"

"Krinkle! Come back here! You can't escape Krinkle!" A team of five asylum workers chased after the poor man. Two of them aimed mean-looking laser guns. "Resistance is futile!"

Krinkle yelled as he neared the landing pads for spacecrafts. He shoved a guy in his twenties out of the door of his ship, a sleek sports ship, and leapt inside of it. Krinkle's pursuers stared in shock as the sports ship rose, then sped off towards Shuggazoom, leaving behind five surprised mental asylum workers and a young man shaking his fist and cursing.

Pretty impressive, especially when you take into account the fact that Gyrus was still straight-jacketed.

And so the camerman based on Ranger 7 signalled the cameraman on Shuggazoom, who returned the ok, like two cameramen signalling each other, like two cameramen signalling each other, like two cameramen...

And so Krinkle journeyed to Shuggazoom, which took all of five minutes, ditched the straight-jacket, and assumed a new identity. He lived in his mother's house, constantly in fear of his pills and his robot mother's nagging about the pills.

It was three days until Gyrus Krinkle, now George Wrinkle, was sprung. He was walking out in the inner city, trying to avoid his mother. A Shuggazoom Police Officer was patrolling nearby. They two men walked past each other, perfectly calm. Until the policeman spun around and demanded to see Krinkle's driver's license.

"George, eh? You look like that Krinkle guy. 'Scaped from the mental institution on Ranger 7 a few days ago. You two bear quite a resemblance."

Gyrus began to sweat. His every instinct told him to run. But if he did, he would be suspected immediately. Krinkle was snapped out of his thoughts by the policeman waving something in his face.

"Anyway, we're doing an inquiry. Do you recognise this?"

Krinkle gaped in pure horror. In the police officer's hands was a dartboard. In the centre was a picture of Krinkle's idols: the legendary Monkey Team. But about a dozen darts were embedded in it.

The poilce officer smirked at Gyrus' reaction. "That's not all. Check this out!" He held up a scrapbook, flipped it open. Gyrus saw pictures, many many pictures. All of them depicting the Monkey Team. But all of them involved the monkeys being tortured and/or injured, and sometimes they were dead already. Gyrus' eye was caught by a drawing of several monkeys' head on sticks. Gyrus began to feel faint.

The poilceman nodded. "Got a sick mind that one. Got a pretty good talent for art too..." Krinkle glared at him. "If he wasn't so demonically twisted." And then he cuffed Krinkle.

"Hey, what's this all about! You don't think I did that, do you? I'm innocent, I swear it!"

"You're coming to the station Krinkle."

"Dang. I knew I should have chosen a better name."

The cameraman followed Gyrus all the way to the Shuggazoom Police Station, where awaited him a very ticked off Monkey Team.

"Is this the guy, monkeys?"

Chiro stood up. And tried to hide behind Nova. "Yeah, that's the guy! He's the one that sent us those threatening letters!"

"He has a history of brainwashing us, trying to get Chiro killed, he's overly obssessive about us... Oh, and he's** excessively creepy**!" Sprx added.

The policeman looked at Gyrus, who was making pleading faces at the Monkey Team. "You're getting locked up for the night pal."

"What? I got locked up for loving the Monkey Team, and now I get locked up for hating them?! What is wrong with the world?!"

"Aha! So you admit it!"

"Wha? No! That's not what I meant! **Nooooooo**! I want bail from my mother! Monkeys, help me out here? Super Robot Monkey Team?"

"Shut up Krinkle."

The Torture Chamber's hosts gaped in pleasant surprise. Natalie began to giggle uncontrollably. "Oooh, you got dissed by the Monkey Team! Oh, that's rich. I'm gonna remember that for a long long time! It's so... so _ironic!_"

"Talk about it!" Cedric agreed. "Krinkle got put away for loving them! Twice! For some weird reason it's funny!"

"Someone turn off the laughing gas!" Natalie pleaded. "Nah seriously, TURN OFF THE GAS ALREADY!!!" Natalie stormed off backstage with a murderous glint in her eyes and a cheesy grin on her face.

"Alright alright!" came a muffled voice. "Funsucker... I didn't say anything!"

Natalie came back out without the cheesy grin. Now it was slightly evil, with a dash of self-satisfaction. "Let's get the show back on the road then!"

"Shuggazoom, it's time for We Know You're Secret!"

"Gyrus Krinkle is known for having designed and built his own robotic mother." Natalie began.

"So we here at Torture Chamber decided to take a look at Gyrus' mechanic history a bit more closely." Cedric grinned. He was famous for that. "But maybe it's not our place to reveal our results, is it Nat?" he said slyly.

"No, let's let the result explain itself! Come on in Brooklyn!"

A robot sped on it wheels onto the set. It was relatively new, but had lost its shine. One could see from the shape that it was made to be ladylike.

It was young. It was female. And it wanted payback.

"Gyrus, I'm back!" she sang. Brooklyn wheeled up to Krinkle, who was now cowering in his chains and pretending he didn't exist. "Well well. Look at you. Chained to a table on a television program that savours your pain. Guess what Gyrus?!" she hissed. "You're gonna be in a lot more pain when I'm done with you!" Gyrus Krinkle whimpered.

"Wait for it..." Cedric said. Natalie had brought out a digital camera.

"I'm going to get you for what you did to me! I know it was three years ago, but it still hurts!" Brooklyn yelled. "You have no idea how much it hurts! I can't believe you had the nerve! The audacity! My own creator! You dumped me!_ I can't believe you dumped me!_"

"Now!"

Gyrus flinched from the flash of Natalie's camera and from Brooklyn's hard slap. "Metal hurts!" he said, a little dazed. Brooklyn readied for another slap. "Brook, honey, please! I just...didn't love you anymore, okay?" Brooklyn let rip her slap.

"You _what?!_ How dare you say that to me?!"

Natalie booed. "Yeah, don't talk to a woman like that!"

"But when I broke up with you you said I should have told you straight!" Gyrus countered.

"I didn't mean _that_ blunt you duncehead!"

"Okay then. Brooklyn, I still love you but-"

Krinkle's robot slapped him yet again. "Liar!" she shrieked.

"Be honest to a lady, Krinkle!" Natalie shouted.

Cedric stepped forward and tugged on a length of chain underneath the table. The chains fell away and Gyrus Krinkle was able to get loose. "Run!" Cedric bellowed at him.

"Thanks mate! I owe ya one! I was starting to feel like Jack Sparrow!" And so the middle-aged, 'psychopathically obessessed with SRMTHFG' man with a robot for a mother and a vengeful ex-girlfriend ran off into the sunset, even thought it was now late evening, with Brooklyn hot on his heels yelling loudly at his back.

**Hmmm. I must have a 'chat' with Cedric Angriff about his sympathy for male torturees in trouble. But anyway, tell me what you think of Gyrus Krinkle **_**now**_** that his chapter is done! Review please, for I am for some reason lusting for them as dessert! Wow, that's strange. **_**Anyway**_**, review!**


	21. Victim 14: Ringmaster

**A/N: I give you now... THE CIRCUS SECRETS! **

**This chapter is set a little differently from the others, but I hope you will enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own SRMTHFG or anything related to it, **_**duh**_

Victim 14: The Ringmaster

A black-clad figure moved swiftly, silently. The job was done. "I have the tape." His voice was deep, as if he was about to kill you or something just as horrible. Almost all who heard it shivered. But the person on the other end of the communicator line didn't. In fact that person was probably grinning madly now.

"Excellent." came the answering hiss. Breathy, like a snake, it was hard to identify that person's emotions. "Return at once. _Don't_ get caught. Understood?"

"Clear as crystal. You needn't worry, I never get caught."

The person huffed. They were probably thinking of a hundred times things hadn't worked out. _Should have chosen someone else for the job... _they were most likely thinking._ This profession requires neutrality. This guy has too many emotions concerning this particular group. _But the person on the other end voiced none of these thoughts. Only said, "Just get outta there."

Surprise surprise, the guy did.

-------------

"It's TV night, it's TV night! Yaaaaaay!"

TV night was a joyous night in the circus calendar. It was a night of fun, of relaxation, of just plain get-together-ness and that cheesy family stufff, which was kind of nice. The young acrobats cartwheeled all over the place, while everyone else piled into the biggest space caravan, the main one, leaving their own smaller ones behind on autopilot. The entire staff of the circus crowded around the one television they had.

The Ringmaster, their leader, stood in front of the screen. "It's come again, hasn't it?" he said with a smile. "Right down to business, by roster it is young Liam's turn to choose the program tonight." Liam beamed. TV night was a good excuse to blow off juggling and plate-spinning practice.

"I heard of a TV show, started a few months ago, it's called Torture Chamber. It's based on Shuggazoom." the boy announced.

"That place?" the Ringmaster asked. "My it's been a long time since we've been there. We ought to come back sometime. We are a travelling circus after all." he said with a chuckle.

"Anyway, it's should be starting... Now!" Liam switched on the television and found the channel.

"Hi I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale! Welcome to Torture Chamber!" A few whistles came from the people squished in the caravan.

"She's hot!" Liam yelled. You just can't stop a boy from entering puberty I guess. "Booyeah! We're definitely watching this next week!" He quietened down when he received several glares and a cry of, "Shut up! We're trying to watch it!"

"Tonight is a little different, but it's still not gonna stop us from our job! **TORTURING!!!**"

"We give you now, the _juiciest_, the most _tender_, the most _scrumptious_ secrets, we could lay our hands on!"

A video played on the screen. Oddly enough, it displayed none other than the _Ringmaster_, sitting in a half-dark, half-brightly lit room. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked very depressed and sad.

"I've decided to film myself saying this, because I really need to get it off me conscience. And I dedcided to film it, because it doesn't really work if I just say it to the wall and no one knows that I said it, you know what I mean? At least there's the slight chance that someone else willl know what I did." The Ringmaster sighed. "I did something wrong, so very wrong. And I think now is the time to confess."

He took several deep breaths, and readied himself. "Two years ago," he began. "The circus went to a planet called Nidra. Stayed there for two whole months, we did. Nearly thirty shows, or there about, the people were crazy about it! One of our best profits." The Ringmaster paused. "Anyway, for those whole two months, I..." he faltered. He swallowed to get some moisture in his mouth again.

**"**_**I watered down the soda!**_**" **the Ringmaster wailed. Then he burst into tears, and the screen went fuzzy.

There was a collective gasp from the circus staff in the room. The Ringmaster went red.

"You _WHAT?!_"

"Oh my gosh! You did what?!"

"You _watered down the soda?!_"

"All those people you scammed! Watered down the soda, I have never been so embarrassed to be a part of this circus!"

"Our reputation is ruined! _Ruined!_"

"FOR _SHAME_!"

Several people spat at the Ringmaster's feet. They just couldn't believe it. He had watered down the soda? The Ringmaster put his head in his hands. "It's true!" he cried. "I watered down the drinks we sold at the shows!" He burts into tears again, this was becoming a habit since that TV was turned on.

"Hang on, _there's more_!" The people in the room turned once more to the TV screen. Then they gasped at who they saw next.

**Hey! I like this cliffhanger I got going here! I think this is probably my best cliffie so far! Yayness! My precious cliffie... My precious... But I'll update in a few days, or at least I'll try to. R&R!**


	22. Victim 15: Jungle Girl

**A/N: Right down to business, shall we?**

**Disclaimer: Do you honsestly **_**think**_** I own a TV cartoon filled with robot monkeys? Nah, I didn't think so.**

Victim 15: Jungle Girl

She sat in front of the camera, in her own quarters. Her hair was frizzy and messier than usual. Her brown and grey body wrappings were loose. Her face was streaked with tears, ruining her dark eye make-up.

"Um, I found this tape. The Ringmaster said it was good for relieving stress." She hid her face in her hands for a moment, then sighed.

"It started two weeks ago." she began. "I didn't know what I was doing or thinking at the time, it just happened! I know, it was stupid, and inappropiate..." The Jungle Girl looked straight at the camera for her next statement.

"But the truth is... _I actually kinda liked it_." She blushed. "Oh well, it's over now, I can't really worry about keeping the secret anymore. But how I wish..." Her eyes became wistful.

"_Anyway_, you don't really know what I'm talking about, do you?" Then she rolled her eyes. "Oh great, I'm talking to a camera now! You don't know anything do you? See, there I go again, talking to a stupid camera! I'm just wasting the tape here.

"Okay, right down to business. The thing is..." The Jungle Girl's voice trailed away. Her face crumpled and she brought up her hands to her eyes to wipe away the tears.

"Thing is," she said at last. "Two weeks ago, _**I had an affair with the circus animal trainer!**__"_

Several people in the circus caravan fainted at that moment. The animal trainer sucked in his breath, then ducked as his fiance, one of the trapeze artists, attempted to punch him into oblivion. Jungle Girl, well poor her, she tried to hide her face as everyone stared at her with their mouths open. She burst into tears and ran to her quarters, wailing her heart out. Shame her quarters wasn't in another caravan, because she wanted to be as far away from that awful TV as possible.

"I can't belive it. _She_ with _him?!_"

"So _that's _what they were doing! You know, I saw them in the practising ring talking very quietly..."

"The poor girl!"

"_Oh, to have your heart broken in such a way_!" cried an over-dramatic person.

"_Oh to have the secret revealed on television_ more like! I can't imagine what the ratings will be like!"

"Disgraceful!"

"Well, she's young, graceful, and drop-dead-gorgeous! She can't help it if she falls in love!"

"I never would have guessed she had an affair! I didn't notice a thing, the way she did her sultry dance act was perfectly normal!"

"This is very awkward..."

"OH MY POPCORN STAND, THERE'S STILL MORE COMING UP!!!"

**I wonder why I keep making people cry in this... Never mind that, **_**review please.**_


	23. Victim 16: The Clown

**A/N: I think Chiro shall enjoy this one. Teehee.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SRMTHFG. If I did, I wouldn't have made Antauri return with purple/pink claws. Electric blue, yeah, maybe fluoro green or yellow, but **_**magenta purple?**_

Victim 16: The Clown

"Now that right there, that is just creepy."

One of the circus performers had voiced what they were all thinking. I mean, you watch your own ringmaster and your famous dancing jungle girl get their secrets revealed on television. And then you see your leading clown sitting in front of the camera, and he's just...staring at the lens silently. Oh those terrifying squinting eyes, that painted face with that horrifying smile... And jeez, that green hair!

_Hey! Chiro messed with the narrator's script! Grr..._

Then, out of the blue, the clown held up something in front of the camera. It was small, and rectangular. The clown hastily tore off the wrapping. He took the product and popped it into his wide mouth. And he beagn to chew quickly.

There was a humongous gasp of horror from the audience in the caravan. Then those closest to the clown narrowed their eyes. Several of then lunged at the poor clown, tackling him to the floor. In mere seconds a full-blown riot was in full-swing.

"Hey hey hey! Break it up guys!" The Ringmaster was desperately trying to regain order.

"But he ate it! We went all the way to the Jaiga galaxy for that! _**He ate the last Jaigan chocolate truffle!**_"

The Ringmaster pretended not to care. But he soon cracked. "You know how I like chocolate truffles!" he wailed at his head clown. Then he proceeded to slap the clown repeatedly on the back of his head.

On another planet, one that the circus has visited before, there was a young boy, who was afraid of clowns. And that very night he watched with contented relish as a clown was voilently pummelled to microscopic chunks of bodily goo for eating thelast chocolate truffle.

Chiro threw his ninja espionage garb onto his bed. It had taken _ages_ to get back to Shuggazoom. That circus sure had travelled far. Chiro glanced at his wristwatch. He'd forgotten what day it was, he'd travelled through so many galactic time zones. The boy walked out into the main room.

"Sprx, has this week's Torture Chamber ep aired yet?"

"Nah. You asked me to tape it while you were away, but it hasn't aired yet mate."

"What day is it?"

The red monkey grinned. "Torture Chamber night."

The Chosen One glanced at his watch again, then lunged for the remote. "Come on come on,_ why are plasma TVs so slow?!_" The big screen soon had Channel 2347 on it.

Chiro planted his backside firmly in front of it, pasted his eyeballs to it, and threw back his head and gave a big, almost-evil laugh when he saw what he wanted.

"Take that clown! Muahahahaha! Ahahahaha!"

**Muahahaha! Ahahahaha! And so Chiro shows his dark side. The sadist for clowns side! Reviews shall be used to raise money for a "Clowns That Have Been Violently Pummelled To Microscopic Chunks Of Bodily Goo Hospital and Burns Unit". No, Chiro would blow it up. But review anyway!**


	24. Victim 17 maybe: The Giant Princess

**A/N: Now, I really don't know what happened in this episode, but according to it was hilarious! The Super Robot in a dress, I wish I'd seen it. Anyway, I hope this comes close to torture standards!**

**Disclaimer: I hold no connection with The Biggest Loser, excluding the fact that I am a rabid fan. Yeah, I know, I'm weird. How long did it take you to figure that out?**

Victim 16: The Giant Princess

"CONCENTRATE ON YOUR BREATHING!" Bob Harper had meant to sound reassuring and calm, except for the fact that he was screaming at the top of his lungs through at least five megaphones.

_This has got to be the weirdest season I have ever done._ he thought. The American trainer had good reason to think that, as for some reason he had come from some weird fanfictioner's twisted mind, onto a Wordpad document, and was stuck on some planet in some galaxy or nebula or whatever, training the worst Biggest Loser case he had ever seen. He was trying to teach her meditation, getting her to relax before-

_Scrap that idea._

"Bob, what are you doing? That ain't losing weight. Gimme that!" Jillian Michaels grabbed the megaphones. "RIGHT, GET UP OFF YOUR BUTT, AND GIVE ME TEN PUSH-UPS!"

The princess jumped slightly out of her state of calm. She stared down inquisitively at the two miniscule humans who were her new trainers as long as she was a part of The Biggest Loser.

"I'M STILL WAITING FOR THOSE PUSH-UPS!"

"What do you want me to do?" The princess of giants was still in slight disbelief.

The female trainer was beginning to lose her patience. Jillian pressed two fingers to her temple before continuing. "GET UP AND DO THE PUSH-UPS ALREADY! YOU S_ERIOUSLY _NEED THE WORKOUT, THE BIGGEST LOSER ISN'T JUST SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN USE TO GET _FILMED_ SITTING DOWN! THEN I WANT YOU TO RUN FIVE LAPS AROUND THIS PLACE, wherever this place is... You still can't figure that out, can you Bob?"

"Haven't got a clue."

----------------

The princess gulped. The host sat in front of her.

"Contestants," she began. "This is the third elimination you have been to in a row. The team bonds are cracking. I will soon ask you to reveal your votes.

"It's time, to cut the fat."

Some time later, the host said, "Princess, the team has decided, that you are _not_ the Biggest Loser."

And so she left the Biggest Loser house in tears.

And for some reason, ratings began to climb again.

How odd.

**Okay, that wasn't as good as I'd hoped. Oh how I long for a decent, regular chapter! But when I started this I made a promise to myself, and it'd be weird going against my own word to myself. Darnit.**

**Anyway, Jillian and Bob aren't always like that. Bob can unleash some pretty tough workouts, and Jillian is not a Nazi. Yes, she's a sadist and pushes them, and Bob is into the mind and soul, but I just needed them to act like that for this chapter. Sorry guys. **

**And no offence meant for overweight people! This chapter is meant to torture a cartoon character only!**

**R&R, even though I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. But then there'd probably be no reason for me to continue, except for what I said three paragraphs up...**


	25. Victim 18 whatever: Skurgg

**A/N: When shall these stupid chapters end? Even the writer's getting tired of them. I'm even starting to miss Natalie and Cedric! Oi...**

**Disclaimer: Be honest with me. ****If I owned that show, would I be writing fanfiction?**

Victim 18: Skurgg

As hard as it is to believe, Skurgg once had a decent life. I don't mean being the ruler of a planet and all the servants and the huge feasts, but actually decent. He had a simple life, and a nice family. He didn't even live on Soturix 7. It would take one fateful day to bring him to the top position on that small planet. Believe it... Or not...

"You're leaving mom?!" Young Skurgg was horrified.

"A man has to move on." replied his grim father.

"Yeah, move on _after_ you cheat on her!"

"Now, I didn't cheat on her. Know that at least, if you will not listen to reason."

"Agh! I can't believe this! You intrude on my video game, bomb me with the news that you're taking me to another city with you, just because you couldn't be around mom anymore!"

"Which _reminds_ me, you're spending too much time on that computer and PlayStation Version 14. You're not to touch it for a month, your school percentages are too low."

"Which reminds _me_! You're taking me to a new one, because you've just tore me out of the ground like a weed! You tore me out from family, my neighborhood, my school, my skateboarding mates. You've completely uprooted me! You've ruined my life! I refuse to be treated this way!" The boy abruptly sat down cross-legged on the floor of his bedroom, determined not to move.

His father rolled his eyes. "Start packing. Hopefully we can be out of this house by the weekend."

"Shan't! If you do this to me, I swear I'll- I'll run away! I'll take over a planet! Yeah! I'll rule it! How'd you like that?!"

"Sure you will son." And he stepped out of the room, closing the door. He had no idea...

Skurgg wasn't content to take over his home planet. He wanted something new, something adventurous. He had to settle with a large green one, but he changed it drastically. His mother had liked a hot climate. Skurgg never forgot the time they went sandboarding in the dunes of Dingra...

Some years later, a young worker was browsing through the Monkey Team's public archives. He had been employed by Torture Chamber to dig up dirt on a few villains. He put on his glasses and flicked through the files. His hand flipped rhythmically through the information files. He stopped, and backtracked.

"This looks promising. _A young lord of the desert planet Soturix 7. Lavish life, technology field around planet, sadistic games with rewards, outwitted by the mighty Chiro..._ Nothing that we don't already know. I could run an galactic search on him... Need more..._dirty_...dirt. Thank goodness I'm getting paid for this." Then he settled down for a good fourteen hours on Galactic Google.

**Not necessarily Skurgg's story. But one that I made up. Rather pointless really. Believe it... Or NOT...**


	26. Victim 19: The Alchemist

**A/N: Insanity strikes anytime. Insanity strikes anywhere. Insanity strikes anyone. Insanity is merciless. Insanity is uncontrollable. **

_**Insanity spares NO ONE**_**. This fresh chapter is proof.**

**Now this is more like it! Thought things are a little different again. The Alchemist wasn't really a villain, but he was a significant character, and I really really wanted to do this! Depending on how you look at this chapter, it's a little OOC. But it all makes sense in the end, promise.**

**Disclaimer: Please don't sue me, that's all I ask of you. I wish I did own SRMTHFG, but **_**nooo...**_

Victim 19: The Alchemist

Cedric Angriff beamed. He had been waiting a very long time for this. "Hello folks, tonight is the night you've all been waiting for!"

"That's right Cedric!" Natalie near screamed. "We're all excited, because tonight, we welcome... Give a round of applause for our special guest, the great_ Alchemist!!!_"

Natalie swung her arms dramatically to the curtained back wall, in which a gap appeared and the Alchemist stumbled through. He walked out, waving nervously to the screaming crowd waving huge banners. He walked awkwardly over to the centre of the stage, sitting down in an armchair that had been put there.

The Torture Chamber hosts sat opposite him. "Right, absolute pleasure to have you here tonight, Alchemist sir." Cedric gave his signature grin. "You've taken the time to build a time-machine yourself, just to come here. For that Torture Chamber is truly grateful. Of course this means that you are absent from the past, and thus having the possibility of condemning the Monkey Team to non-existence and dooming us all. So let's keep this short, alright?"

**"It's really great to have you here!!!"** Natalie squealed. Quite out of character for her. But then, if you were visited by a great alchemist from the past, you might say that as well.

"Uh, thanks." the Alchemist answered nerously. _And they called _me_ crazy..._ _"_Okay, short and sweet. No one needs me to explain the theory of relativity? No one wants me to teach them how to turn your little brother into a ninja cyborg? No one wants to learn sorcery? Great! I'm out of here." The Alchemist abruptly stood up. Poor guy, camera-shy. "Pleasure to be here in the future. Say hello to my monkeys, and I wish the Chosen One success. All the best for your show, too." he said, quickly shaking hands with the hosts. Natalie squeaked and grinned _hugely_ when he took her hand.

"And now if you don't mind," the Alchemist continued. "I'm off to punch Skeleton King in the face. Good day!" He was about to leave, wanting to be out of sight of the crowd and those cameras as soon as possible. He was stopped by Cedric's hand on his elbow.

"Just before you go, we'd like to give you something special to remember us by. From the city of Shuggazoom!"

The Alchemist smiled weakly. "Thank you very much, but you know, places to be, monkeys to build. Entrusted with the fate of the universe, you know, that sort of thing."

"Very quick." Cedric assured. His eyes were shining in anticipation. Natalie could be seen with a look of horror on her face. If anyone had taped that episode, they can pinpoint the exact second Natalie copped it.

Cedric went for the pie. Natalie tried to scream 'no', but too late! Holy smokes she's going for a dive! Will she make it, who knows! The pie is curving at the same rate that she is, custard I believe it is. And why the heck is everything in slow-motion, and _why is there some moron on the set narrating?!_ Agh, never mind. Natalie is still diving, she's reached the highest point. She's beginning to come down... Hey, we can catch a magnificent glimpse of her high heels there folks, she's a walking advertisment! Natalie Teasedale, is she really going to sacrifice this for the Alchemist?! The pie! Can you seriously believe that Cedric Angriff would risk his job, the SHOW'S RATINGS!!! You can pie someone else Cedric! Jeez... That's really slack Cedric.

Oh if you insist. Rewind! That's better. Let's concentrate on the pie this time. Cedric displays his incredible skill, the pie came from absolutely nowhere! He's drawing back his arm, brings it forward... Nice footwork there, mate. _This,_ is the exact second that the custard pie has left Cedric's hand. It's shooting upwards, Natalie has made a move some time ago... It's pretty high, I'm not sure if Cedric planned that or not... It's taking too long!!! It's starting to come down now... _Oh oh!_ The look on the Alchemist's face! He's standing there like a petrified rabbit! Heehee, fear the parabola! Oh, I wish I had a camera, or had taped this. Oh yeah, my wife is. Yippe yah yay! Ahem...

_OH MY GOD_, the pie is slo-mo moments away from coming into conact with the Alchemist's FACE! Will Nat make it, will she not?! The suspense is horrible!

At the crucial second, Natalie Teasedale was in the exact position. In front of the Alchemist. Cedric had never missed a pie target before, but is this the end of his flawless streak? And maybe his career as well? Custard. He had spent hours wondering whether to use whipped cream or custard, but now, _will it really matter?!_

The Alchemist gaped at Natalie's body, lying on the floor at his feet.

"Is she?"

Natalie lifted up her head weakly. "Custard. Damn you Cedric." Then she screamed, the traditional fangirl scream, dating back and surviving from the moment there was anything worth being a fangirl of. She screamed, then her head dropped again. She was out cold.

Cedric kicked himself, and exploded into a rather long burst of swearing. He had just pied the completely wrong person. He had waited _so long_, his whole life! To pie the Alchemist himself! And instead he had missed his chance, and pied his co-host. Great, just great. Just _peachy._

"Okay... I am outta here!" And then the Alchemist was gone.

_**Will Cedric take revenge that he doesn't deserve? Will Cedric get sacked? How will the public react to this outrage? Will Natalie regain consiousness? And what will she do to Cedric? Will the Alchemist return to give her his autograph? I HAVE NO IDEA, BECAUSE I DIDN'T PLAN WHAT COMES NEXT! **_


	27. Victim 20: Chira

**A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in ages! I've had every type of problem you could think of. BUT, I'm baaack!**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think that a teen girl in Australia owned SRMTHFG? Really!**

Victim 20: Chira

Twas a regular day in the Chiro clone calendar.

17th April

_Practice beating up Chiro_

Simple enough. Simple and boring. So we decided to spice things up a little! Let's kidnap someone and put them on a sadistic TV show! Yaaay! Clappy clappy! Eeeheehee.

Okay, I'm firing that narrator. I need someone to fill in that Wednesday position. But in the meantime... Long story short, we put the girl in a sack, okay?! Why do we even need a narrator?

Chira was practicing beating up Chiro! And then out of nowhere came some black-clothed idiot with horrible pay with a potatoe sack! And he swung the sack over Chira, whisking her off into the for-some-reason-setting sun!

My god, this guy's brilliant! But he's trying too hard... Next!

It was dark in the torture chamber. The stone walls glistened in the ghostly glow of...something that is unkown and really kinda scary if you think about it for too long. Tis a scary place, the torture chamber. And right now, Chira the Chiro clone, was very, very scared.

Ooh, scary!

Be afraid, Chira. Be very afraid. Be totally and utterly peeing-in-your-pants afraid girl! You cannot _live,_ you cannot _survive_! Rest assured, _you will not get out of this torture chamber with your life!_

Ooh, but this one's scarier! Hang on, what's this...?

"MUAHAHAHAHA! Oh yeah, I _love_ doing that!" Cedric pumped his arms and started, for some reason, playing air guitar. Much to the disapproval of his co-host of course.

Natalie narrowed her eyes at him. "You are extremely lucky to still be _alive_, Cedric!" she spat. Okay then, a sulky fangirl. _Great._ Just what we need right now.

"Who are you people?" asked a trembling Chiro clone.

"Oh yeah, the clone. Plum forgot about that. Our identities are of no concern to you, little Chira." Natalie cooed silkily. She glided around the table, her eyes suddenly popping out on the other side of it at Chira, due to her dark dress blending with the shadows. "You're safe here. No need to worry."

Cedric folded his arms. "Stop kidding the girl, Nat. It's a goddamn," **"Torture Chamber!"**

"It's a _what_?"

"Torture Chamber." Natalie repeated. "You know, you, we, torture you!"

**"Until you become a greasy pulp!" **For once, Natalie Teasedale and Cedric Angriff actually did something in harmony. And enjoyed it too. Cedric grinned and did another evil laugh, and Natalie laughed and giggled for about two minutes.

"I fail to see what's funny." Chira pouted.

"You haven't seen anything yet! Let the torturing, BEGIN!" Natalie seemed back in the mood, no mistake. "You do the honors Cedric."

"Let's get a move on shall we? Right, being a clone, you don't have much of a history or memory, do ya Chira?"

"Stop picking on me!" she wailed.

"We get paid for that! Now, does this look familiar to you?" Natalie held up a photo and shoved close to Chira's face.

"Hey! Give it back! Give that back!" Rather fruitless, this technique. Must not try unless desperate, or stupid.

"You haven't been watching the show, have you? Do it Nat."

Natalie took out a plastic bag and got out a thick pile of other photographs. "This one here, is a picture of Chira's left leg at six weeks of formation. Well, she's a Formless, it's a very different 'Where did I come from?' story! Aww, look at that cute little leg. It's so small and adorable!"

"Hey, give me some of those!" Cedric reached for a few, while Chira visibly paled. "Oh oh! Here's a good one! It's her hands, two weeks from being complete. They look so whacked out!"

"Well the gloves are already on, it looks cool. Just floating in the tank..."

And for what seemed like ages the hosts looked through Chira's baby photos, occasionally showing them to the audience. They talked about it as if she wasn't there, chained to the table and on their show. And groaning like she was in great pain. Well, it's the whole point of this show! Wailing and moaning, but still they didn't drop the photos and notice her again. They were just talking as if she wasn't there! That's gotta be annoying!

"Hey, take a look at this Nat. What _is_ that?!"

"I think it's her head."

"Oh. Whoa... Okay, I just won't say anything."

"The nose hasn't formed yet. Creepy..."

"Hello!" Chira screamed at them. "You're getting really annoying here! Drop it! Step _away_ from the baby photos!" Chira was near tears, and ready to chuck the worst tantrum those hosts were likely to ever see. "I HATE THIS PLACE!"

"Well whaddya expect?! It's the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"Man does it feel good to hear that again!" Cedric crowed. "Hello Shuggazoom, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale! This is Torture Chamber! This time, the unfortunate soul is Chira the Chiro clone!"

"Okay, what's going on here? It looks like a...TV show?"

"Gee you're thick, Chira. Don't you remember, this?"

And so the projector screen was unleashed upon the poor clone. You all know what that means...

The Chiro clones once had accommodation at the Citadel of Bone. In their early development they were restricted to a small, unfurnished room. They were watched day and night. Unfortunately, Chira once forgot this very significant fact...

As the clones developed more and more, they were given little trinkets and furniture. Mainly Chiro action figures to beat up. Chira's collection of Chiro figurines were lined up orderly along one wall. One made out of wood, one plaster (missing limbs), and several varieties of stone and metals. Soon Mandarin would give her a table to put them on, a joy that delighted her spririt. Chiru had already gotten a chair, but Chira had something better. A mirror. A _full-length_ mirror, no less. It sent her vanity sky-rocketing to who knows how high.

It was a normal day when Chira woke up. As usual, she scrambled over to her precious mirror. And so it started. Skirt: straight. Gloves: velvety and flawless. Black boots: gleaming. Face clolouring: perfect as usual. Hair: still in that high ponytail. It's rather difficult to keep the hair right, she hadn't received her hairbrush yet. If she had one, Chira would sing into it, a great purpose of the mirror.

But, she would just have to make do with what she already had...

This day would mark one very historical event. For the first time since creation, a Formless would sing. _Sing._ Chira would the the first! And hopefully the last...

Gripping a Chiro figurine in her fist, Chira was lost in an uncontrollable moment of impulse. Luckily, and _I mean __**luckily**_, no one heard her.

Man were they lucky. Those Shuggazoomian viewers at home... Not so much...

I think I have effectively established that Chira is not exactly the next Shuggazoomian Idol. So let's end that for now...

"Make it stop! _Make it stooop!" _Cedric was on the floor, his body scruched up in a tight ball, his cape covering his form, hands up at the ears, and wailing miserably. "MAKE IT STOOOP!!!"

"Cut the tape! Cut the tape!" Natalie screamed at the guy in the booth. Thankfully, he obeyed, fighting between the desire for maximum humiliation and the longing for peace.

"Listen girlie..." Cedric advanced on Chira. "Take my advice. Don't ever, _ever_, enter yourself in a talent contest, or anything of the sort! Just, don't! Okay?! Spare us!"

"Way to subtly destroy her Cedric." Natalie commented sarcastically.

Chira was heading towards tears again. "You're mean! Get me out of this horrible place! Is it over yet?!"

"Funny you should say that..."

"Chira, the following minutes will not be pleasant. You will come to know it as... We Know Your Secret!"

"I have here, Chira's diary!" Cedric held it up and waved it at the studio audience. "We shall begin promptly! Any last words Chira?"

"You're going to read my diary?!" Chira began to breathe harder. What were they going to read?! She had a lot of things in there! _Save yourself Chira!_ her instinct commanded. _Dig yourself out of this! Salvage what you can! _A final attempt, "This is total violation of a diary's privacy pruposes! It totally defeats the purpose if you read a diary!"

"Diaries were invented to be stolen by mean siblings and used to blackmail!" Natalie shot back. "We decided to not to use the conventional method of torure, but instead, we do this!"

"Dear Diary!" Cedric began dramatically. "Chiru is a dork. She has that awful haircut. I wish she would die." Those three sentences were, although meagre, enough to send the audience into gasps and shocked cries. Conversations raged, and several members of the press were excited immediately, finally receiving the scandalous information they had been promised. Hey, it was a small topic, but you're trying to fill an entire daily newspaper here, anything helps!

Natalie wagged her finger at Chira, who was blushing madly with a grimace on her face. "Naughty Chira! Backstabbing your fellow clone! Not good! For you that is..."

Cedric did all that he could to make the moment more dramatic. Looked rather stupid really. Ah well, it was a mighty fine moment.

A second metal table was wheeled in. As it settled next to Chira's, a horrified expression of anguish contorted her features. Her blue eyes widened, her pontytail seemed to twitch in shock.

"Hello Chira." Chiru said dryly.

**Oooh, scandal! Next up, it's Chiru! Muahahahahaha... I really do spoil Chiro too much. R&R and I'll try to update soon!**


	28. Victim 21: Chiru

**A/N: And so the clones continue to be tortured into a greasy pulp. Excellent. Muahahahahaha!**

**Le Disclaimer: Quel? Moi? C'est bizarre! dominus est Ciro Nieli! (That's a combo of French and Latin by the way.) Anyway...**

Victim 21: Chiru

"Hello Chiru!" Chira squeaked back at her sister.

Chiru's eyes narrowed. "We'll sort this out later."

Chira shivered, before Chiru too was greeted by the hosts.

"Chiru!" Cedric said warmly. "I trust you are familiar with the," **"Torture Chamber!"**

Chiru resumed her dry voice. "Yeah, kinda noticed. You did hide me for half an hour backstage after all."

"I can't believe it, two people in one episode, _sweeet_!" Natalie cried.

"Let's get it started then! Two four six eight, let's torture, don't wait!"

"Couldn't have said it better. Okay, this is Chiru. This is her most prized possession. This is Torture Chamber. A dangerous combination!" Natalie triumphantly held up a small, rectangular take-away box.

This, my friends, might strike you as odd. But the result with Chiru was magnificent to watch. If you could. This is fanfiction, a jumble of words. Such a pity. But despite that annoying fact, let's watch it in slo-mo anyway! Even though there is no footage, and no screen. But like I said, _anyway!_

Chiru's eyes slowly widened. Her left nostril twitched in disbelief. Her jaw trembled as it gaped. She began to shake, and breathe quicker. The chains rattled slightly as she yelled at her captors.

"You wouldn't!"

"Yes we would."

"_Nooooo!_"

"Oh _yes!_" Cedric muahahaha-ed, and Natalie wrenched off the box's lid. The contents slid over the rim and landed with several plops as the Formless ooze ended up on the floor of the Torture Chamber set.

Chiru screamed and shrieked until finally bursting into angry tears. When Chira gave her a puzzled look and asked her what was wrong, she answered bitterly, "That was all I could salvage from the Chiro Clone Mass."

"Oh yeah. I kinda miss those guys." Chira said sympathetically.

"Yeah. I miss them too." came the wistful reply.

And the waterworks should be starting right about... NOW! We need some serious damage control here! And a lot of buckets! Heck, the ship is sinking. No point in bailing it out.

"The depths of my hatred for this place really is _unfathomable_!" Chiru hissed. Oh my gawd! Who would have thought that a Formless clone like her could be capable of such a long sentence! Or such complicated words! Someone overdramatic or easily surprised is going to faint! Oh yeah, there they go.

"Well Chira, it's the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"Would you expect any less?" Natalie said with a coy smile. "You know what's next, don't you...?" Okay, that smile is really starting to freak me out...

"Stairs. I really hate stairs!" Chiru whined.

"Oh no." said another Chiru. This one was currently strapped to a metal table on the set of an extremely sadistic TV show. A nice position to be in if you want to be Prime Minister! Now, that sentence makes no sense whatsoever, probably induced by me still trying to get this chapter done before Monday and staying up really late (right after a one-night trip to visit cousins no less) to do so. Argh...

Stairs. Are pretty painful. They can be scary, harsh, hard, and gruelling.

But mostly, they're just painful.

Very painful indeed...

**"Ow!"** Oh, the sight of young Chiru sprawled in a messy heap at the base of the stairs! This is going to get interesting...

Chiru picked herself up and inspected her limbs. Finding no scratches or bruises (what a pity, it would have been quite painful), she made another attempt to scale the flight of (painful) steps.

**"Ahh!"** One step, and another (painful) fall.

Her legs just didn't work for Chiru that day, did they? They got as far as allowing her to stand, only to fail her again.

**"Ack!"** What a stack! (Painful!!!) Put that one in the book! It was marvellous!

This was starting to get very frustrating. Every single bliddy time she took a step... Is there someone behind her pushing her down every time?

Oh yes, I believe there is. I think it's Chiro. What?! You thought that it _wasn't_ planned out deliberately? It's too good to be true!

**"Agh!"** Oh, now _that_ one gives your sadistic side a kick! Come on, you know you have one. Come over to the dark side... We got nachos! You just can't get enough of this, can you? Seeing...

**"ARGH! Bloody jeezuz! Oh for the love of Skeleton King! Absolute blinking madness!"**

...Chiru face-down against the (PAINFUL!) stairs... With her underwear visible... All young respectable males look away! Oh, you are hopeless. You can't miss this chance, can you? Alright, one little peek, _for the sake of torture_.

_Oh man_, look away! It ain't pretty! It's the end of the world! It's the Apocalypse! We're doomed! Doooomed! My eyes! My beautiful beautiful eyes! Ahhhhh!

Natalie leapt and covered Cedric's eyes.

"Hey! I wanna see!"

"Trust me, you don't want to. It's for you're own health!"

"No fair!"

"Shut _up_ Cedric! And the voice-over guy! You shut up too!"

_"I'm blind! Bliiind, I tell you! Ahhhh...!"_

**"Shove it!"**

_"Yes ma'am."_ He hadn't forgotten what had happened to the guy that had let laughing gas leak onto the set...

Natalie turned to Chiru and Chira. The latter was giggling at her twin's misfortune, silenced only by an icy glare. Curse those blue eyes!

"Chira. Have you learned anything from your stay in the Torture Chamber? I'll give you the honors. What's next?"

Chira took a deep breath, blinked a few times, and with the strongest lungs I think a Formless can have, screeched with unbearable high-pitchness, "We Know You're Secret!"

"That's right! Have a cookie!"

"Bring out the diary Cedric!"

"Cedric pulled ou the book and cleared his throat. "Dear Diary. I think Mineral Chiro is cute! He's HOT, Diary!" Cedric paused for an excited gasp from the studio audience. "There's more! But Mineral Chiro is a clone of the real Chiro, so that must mean that Chiro is hot! Diray, I think I'm in love with Chiro!" A pause for Chiro vomiting in Sprx's and Antauri's laps in the audience.

"No wait! I _know _I'm in love with him!" Chira vomited now. As she was lying on her back, it was all over herself unfortunately.

"Eww! Chiru! How could you?! I'm telling Mandarin!"

"No! Don't! Chira, please!"

**"EWWWWW!!!" **came a sudden cry from the villain's audience. "I'm telling Mandarin too! I can't _believe_ I classify as the same species as you!" And so SkeleMandarin ran off to the nearest time-machine to pass the scandalous news to his original.

Cedric called for order. "There's still more!" he announced. "_Note: Must not let anyone find out._" He looked up from the page with an arched eyebrow. "It's a bit late for that, isn't it?"

**Did you enjoy Chiru's torture, my I-won't-admit-my-sadistic side readers? Did you enjoy it...not that much? REVIEW!!!**

**And now it's our random ad of the day! Sadists United! Come over to the dark side! You know you want to! We have nachos!!!**


	29. Victim 22 who cares anymore: Evil Eye

**A/N: Hello fanfictioners! I really wanted a fast update but the computer moniter suddenly died on us. Sorry everybody!**

**Disclaimer: **_**Do I have to say this one more time?!**_

Victim 22: Evil Eye

Skeleton King sat in the waiting room nervously wringing his hands and bobbing his knees. After...say..._hell_, the door opened and the doctor came out. Skeleton King leapt from his seat in about 0.1611 of a second. He was in front and talking to the doctor in about 0.232 of a further second. "How bad is it?"

The doctor pushed his glasses back onto his nose before taking a quick breath. Then, **"WHAT THE BLOOMIN CENSORED BEEP DID YOU DO TO THAT EYE OF YOURS?!?!"**

The bone lord blinked rapidly several times. "Pardon?"

The doctor sighed. "Sorry, got really worked up there. But honestly, that eye is the worst bliddy case of short-sightedness I have ever bliddy seen in my entire bliddy _life. _What in Shuggazoom's name _did you do it?!_"

"Uhhh, used it to turn the city into a horde of mindless zombie-like monsters?"

"In the middle of the night?! You idiot! That eye is going to need glasses for the rest of its bliddy _existence_! Unless of course you want it to _batter itself to death every single time it moves_!"

Right on cue, the abnormally large eyeball, equally abnormally covered in red tentacles and spikes, appeared in the doorway of the doctor's office. It had insisted on being examined by the doctor privately, and had elevated Skeleton King's blood pressure and anxiety even higher. It appeared to be, believe it or not, crying.

Skeleton King softened at the sight of his pitiful eye. The tentacles and spikes receded, and it shrunk and transported itself into his master's hand. Skeleton King popped it gently back into his eye socket. "So, how bad is it?" Skeleton King repeated to the extremely hazy figure of his general practitioner.

"Good grief, you need to either wear glassess or contacts yourself, or let the right eye go out wearing a contact. If you choose the latter, your other eye will be fine, but the specially-made contact is going to cost you."

SK was already reaching for his credit card. _No way in hell_ , was he going to wear glassess. "How long will it take and how much is it?"

The doctor scratched his chin. "I dunno, I've never recommended a giant contact before. Though I'd take a half-wild, half-educated guess, and it'd be round about... $110 000...?"

_**"WHAT THE BLOOMIN CENSORED BLEEP?!?!"**_

**Oh! What _nasty_ number. Harsh. And it ain't SK's torture, it's just his eye. His shall be a lot worse... R&R!**


	30. Victim 23: Mobius Quint

**A?N: Random ideas have hit me! Thank you so much non-existent goddess of random ideas! At least that Music period ended up with some progress!**

_**AND YOU WILL HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN TO REACH MY NEW CHAPTERS FROM NOW ON. I WENT OVER 30 CHAPPIES.**_

**Disclaimer: You really don't need this. **

Victim 23: Mobius Quint

"Ugh... Me head... HEY! Get that light away from me! It hurts man!"

Cedric pulled the bulb away. He moaned inwardly. He'd always wanted to use that, a sharp, bright lightbulb on a length of thick, flexible wire. Made him feel like he was interrogating someone. It should, that was it's purpose. Cedric pushed his face uncomfortably close to Quint's. "Right, who are you and what are you doing in Shuggazoom?" He quickly supressed a smile. He was proud of the way that had sounded. Like a real tough interrogator. Awesome. "Answer me or I bring back the light!"

Mobius blinked and would have held his head if the chains had allowed him the movement. "Dude..." Then it miraculously hit him through the fog in his mind. "Oh jeez! The _Last Chance _crash-landed! Just after we repainted it! Aw man... Are they guys okay? Oh jeez, I wonder what state the ship is in! It can't be good... Dude, you have any idea what happened?"

"Aw mate, that big fat fireball was your _ship_?" Cedric pretended to be surprised. He was pleased with the effect his words had on the pilot.

"Uhh... Cedric? I think he fainted."

"I think you're right Nat. Well, that's the torture bit done."

"Wow. One sentence and he's already unconscious. I think that's the fastest we've ever finished the first segment of the show." Natalie Teasedale pointed out.

"Wow." Cedric Angriff echoed back.

"Uhh, welcome to the Torture Chamber...? Dangit you studio audience! We paid you for this and you don't even say it!" Several members in the front row shrank back. Heck, Natalie Teasedale's pretty scary when she's angry.

"WHOA!" Mobius Quint shot back to consciousness. "If the ship crashed, then why the heck am I _here_?"

"_Now's yer chance before Natalie murders you all!" _Then, in his TV voice, Cedric yelled, "Mobius Quint, welcome to the," **"Torture Chamber!"**

"Now about your ship Quint." Natalie grinned. "We have live footage!" The all-mighty screen was promptly rolled down, to display a (totally fake) length of tape showing the _Last Chance _burning furiously somewhere (totally non-existent) on the edge of Shuggazoom City.

To this, Quint did not react well. Various tones of girly squeals and shrieks and a cry of "Ahh! The Torture Chamber! Ahh!" were unleashed from his throat, until he fainted. Again...

Cedric and Natalie had managed to squeeze in their trademark **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!" **yell before Quint had passed out. For the second time in ten minutes, you might or might not like to and probably already do having worked it out immediately after Quint did so, know. So now the hosts of Torture Chamber could do nothing except wait for the commercial break to end, which by that time, their victim would _hopefully _be awake.

Several minutes and buckets of cold water later, Mobius Quint was indeed awake.

"Good evening Shuggazoom! I'm deluded enough to think that I'm James Bond... **I mean Cedric Agngriff**!"

"And I'm the lady that told him that. I'm Natalie Teasedale! This is Torture Chamber! **And don't you dare faint again pal!**"

The tall pilot whimpered and nodded.

"And now we have a special guest star on the show-"

_"Is is the Alchemist?!?!"_

"No Natalie, that guy's gone." Cedric told her gently. Give a round of applause for Mobius Quint's old piloting instructor!"

A middle-aged man was wheeled onto the set in a wheelchair and a straight-jacket.

"Hey! Mike! Long time no see!"

"Hello again Mobius! I've never seen a better five-point turn in a spacecraft!" he declared.

"Ah, but the tape speaks otherwise." Natalie argued. "And so does your pathetic condition."

"It was a skiing accident."

"Oh. But what's with the straight-jacket?"

"I was driven mad by Mobius' reckless driving."

"Riiight..."

"Let the tape decide then!" Cedric bellowed.

Ah, the screen returns to do it's humiliating job, that is, to humiliate people. Yeah. That's what is was made for, what the heck did you think?! Anyway...

The screen displayed the great feats of Quint's piloting. This was of course, before Quint had actually _passed_ the test and gone on to be famous for his skills. That's what he's doing now...

The ship flew at great speeds in and out of the markers as the camera showed Quint gripping to the wheel tightly as he turned and the driving instructor clenched his teeth and sat back in the chair. After a while Mobius brought the ship back to the bay in the pilot school. Mike turned to his student.

"Listen pal, I have no idea _how _you passed your hovercar test and got your license!" Then the red fade from his puffing face. "But I got a good gut feeling about ya, so I think..."

The young Quint squeezed his eyes shut.

"...You're going to have to do that course again for me."

"Aw man!"

"Heck, _do you think I want to go through all that again?! _Now grab the wheel and let's go buddy!"

Four hours later, Mobius Quint finally cracked it.

As well as Mike's collar bone...

"Wooow." Natalie whistled. "That is so, COOL!" She had always been a rev-head as a child.

Cedric peeked out from under his hands, his hands having been covering his eyes, of course. "So you say Natalie. But I wouldn't want to be in that passenger seat. _**NEVER**_** IN MY**_** LIFE**_" Cedric cocked his head. "Speaking of which..." He turned to Quint. "Care to explain exactly _how_ your ship crash-landed on Shuggazoom?" For that bit had been true, you see.

Cedric was met only with an ongoing, "Ummm..."

"He was drunk you know." a new voice supplied.

"Larry?! That you? What are you doing here mate?"

Larry, Quint's second-in-command on board the _Last Chance_, just frowned and kept talking to the hosts.

Live on Shuggazoomian television, the great Mobius Quint's secret was found out.

Cedric smiled evilly when he was told. "Ooh boy, we really do know your secret now! Citizens of Shuggazoom!" Cedric announced. "I now have proof of why being in the same wehicle with Mobius Quint and having him at the wheel is hazardous to your health! Can you elaborate on the deatils Larry? Repeat for Shuggazoom, for I think some of them don't believe it. Neither does Natalie, I'm afraid."

Larry ticked off his fingers as he spoke. "He drank too much coffee to keep him awake, then he picked up a can of beer in his delirium by mistake... Several cans of beer actually. He got drunk. He broke the space speed limit... And five minutes later he broke the sound barrier, and the space-world barrier."

Natalie cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, faster than the speed of sound? Breaking the _sound barrier?!_"

Cedric elbowed her. "Just listen, kay? It gets better."

Natalie ploughed on. "And the space-world barrier? What in the universe is that? No such thing exists!"

Larry nodded. "What in the universe indeed. And it does exist, mark my words. We broke the space barrier... And got into another world. Mobius, I think it's called."

Mobius Quint, who hadn't really been listening, suddenly perked his head up. "Did someone say my name?"

"No, you dunce, it's the name of the world you tooks us too! He was drunk, I think I already said. Then all of a sudden this blue hedgehog showed up, and in five minutes Quint had challenged him to a drag race."

"A drag race? _With a hedgehog?_"

"I didn't believe it for a while either. Then he goes off, breaks the space-world barrier again, and hurtled out of control, to crash-land on Shuggazoom." Larry at last finished his recount. "I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe me."

Quint just blinked a few times. "Wow. I did that?" His eyes suddenly widened. "COOL!"

**You should have guessed by now, I own neither SRMTHFG nor Sonic. And I think I made Quint sound too weird...**


	31. Victim 24 haha: Ice Lady

**A/N: Nova finally gets a reward for putting up with my torture back in Chapter 6!**

Victim 24: Ice Lady

It seemed a normal day when the sun rose that morning. Streaks of faint light shone through the icicles that accumulated frozen liquid from the roof of the cave.

She was lucky to be alive, really. Although she didn't feel that lucky this morning. After two months, she was still in grieving. She had lost many of her kin, many many children. Massacred by that yellow monkey and her friends.

She herself had barely escaped. She returned to her realm of safety, only to find out that her partner had lost his power to an evil king. Things just weren't going her way lately.

And they weren't going to get any better, thanks to a particular sadistic TV show and an obssessive writer about getting everything done. Not to mention a monkey out for revenge...

One instant changed everything. A flash of colour on the other side of a large ice stalagmite. Then the remnants of her world crumbled around her.

------------------------

Nova held the hairdryer with both hands like a gun. An absolutely _huge_ grin of immense pleasure dominated her furred face. She turned to look over her shoulder. "Ready Sprx?"

The red monkey nodded. He held the hairdryer's cord and plug in his hands, ready to act on his teammates's signal.

"On the count of three... One... Two... THREE!!!"

Sprx activated his large magnets and immediately sent a surge of eletricity through the cord. Nova braced herself and flicked the hairdryer to its maximum heat and strength setting. She smiled again at the confused ice lady/arachnid/crustacean thingo in front of her.

"No hard feelings, right? You know how I hate the cold." Nova said casually to the puddle at her feet.

**Okay, Nova just murdered the Ice Lady. Oh well, she deserved the satisfaction. Review! _Please?_**


	32. Victim 25 good grief: Cloggy Colon

**A/N: I made Quint faint twice, I turned Ice Lady into liquid and now this! Don't stop me now, I'm on a **_**roll**_**! It's a long weekend so sit back and enjoy my fanfic output!**

Victim 25: Cloggy Colon

"Okay, doc, what's the deal?"

The dodctor looked up from the blood test results. He sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I'm afraid it's not too good."

"Give it to me straight." Cloggy Colon begged.

"You really wanna know? Okay then..." The doctor took a deep _deep_ breath, and said, "Blood sugar level through the roof, cholestorol levels in outer space, every single internal organ excluding your brain is screwed, and you're morbidly obese." He said all this in about two seconds flat.

Cloggy Colon blinked. "I understood about 40 percent of that."

"Heck, I haven't even gone on to the diseases yet."

_"Diseases?!"_

"Oh, not to worry, only the deadly ones."

"My god!" The unfortunate patient nearly collapsed in the chair at that point.

The doctor went on. "You have five different types of cancer, and fourteen types of diabetes."

_"_Did I hear right? _Fourteen?!"_

"Yeah, we discovered tons of new strands of diabetes. In you! Ain't that great?" the doctor smiled. "I didn't even know diabetes had strands!"

"What's with the cancers?" Cloggy Colon implied.

"Uhh, let's see here." The dodctor flipped through his papers. "Umm, four of the five cancers will kill you in about five years." The doctor stopped reading after hearing a loud thud. He looked over his desk to see th colon on the floor.

"Bliddy jeezuz, get a medic over here! Oh wait, _I'm a doctor!_" After checking his patient's pulse, the general practicioner determined that Cloggy was healthy as a horse. Well, sort of. After looking at the old papers he discovered that Cloggy also had extremely high blood pressure. Probably stress from managing his shop.

"Okay then, send in the next patient please Gladys!" The doctor waited until the door opened to reveal an abnormally large eye hovering in the doorway, and behind it was an extremely distressed Skeleton King.

"Ah, SK old pal. Your eye appointment."

Skeleton King patted his eye as it went in. "I'm sure the damage isn't too big. You'll be fine." he reassured.

**Okay, I'm not recommending that doctor anymore! Or maybe villains are just really, really unhealthy...**


	33. Victim 26: Master Zan

**A/N: **_**People! You now have to scroll down when searching for my recent chapters! I went over 30 chappies, cool! **_

**Without any further delay... It is time... To TORTURE!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to SRMTHFG, contrary to my daydreams and fancies.**

Victim 26: Master Zan

"Oookaaay... This goes way beyond odd..."

"Odd is an understatement Zan! Muahahahaha!"

"Ya know, if you're trying to freak me out... It's not working that well."

Cedric Angriff's shoulders slumped. There goes three quarters of his dialogue.

Natalie had her arms folded in an I-don't-really-care-what-the-heck-I-do-around-here-with-these-idiots-anymore way. "Well well well." she said sarcastically. "Who would have thought that the head honcho of a freakishly holy planet would know of terms such as 'okay' and 'freak me out'. How intriguing." Obviously, she wasn't feeling that well tonight.

Master Zan would have raised a hand if his bonds had allowed him the awkward and very out-of-character movement. "Uh... Two questions."

"Yeah?"

"How the Jenisckan jeck marsupials did I get here?"

"Oh. That. Trade secret Zanny. Two?" Cedric inquired.

"Fair enough. What is 'here'?"

"Ah. _That_." Cedric sang. "Well, that I _can_ tell you. In fact I'd love to tell you. I enjoy telling people this very much. You are in, matey... The - I am honestly telling you - awesome," **"Torture Chamber!"**

"Wot?" asked an incredulous Power Primate master. "That's it? Hey, you did capture and chain me to a table. I expected a bit more."

"And a bit more you shall get Master Zan." Natalie was slowly getting back into the mood. She took out her mobile phone. "A bit crude, I know, but it's what we have." She began punching keys furiously. "And here at Torture Chamber, we tend to exploit whatever we have." Natalie Teasedale's phone was lucky enough to be able to take pictures and shoot videos. She shoved it uncomfortably close to Master Zan's masked face. "I want you to take a look at this video." She smiled, that awful creepy smile with the very white, very sharp-looking, very pointy teeth. "And tell me what you think."

If he wasn't wearing a mask at the time, Zan would have paled considerably for all to see. "How... How did you get that?" he hissed.

"That's a trade secret. But I can say that I have...friends. They help me out when I need it." The psychotically sadistic female host replayed the video, only this time she turned up the phone's volume to the absolute max for the sake of the audience and the viewers at home.

Many of them giggled in surprise as they heard an old 70s disco tune belt loudly from the cellphone's tiny speaker.

"You give that to me." Zan seethed. "Right NOW!"

"Umm, nah! I wish there was a bigger screen, Shuggazoom." Natalie put a slender finger to her chin in fake thought. Then she pretended to be surprised as she pretended to remember that, "Oh wait! There is. Bring it out Cedric!"

Cedric wheeled out a HUMONGOUS big-screen TV (what did you think that caps-locked humongous was for?) sitting on a trolley. He pushed a tape ino the video-player above the television. "Why didn't we just use the tape?" he suddenly asked.

"For the sake of drama!" Natalie cried with an overdramatic pose.

As you already know, the soundtrack was an _seriously_ old song by Shuggazoom's standards. The place: the Main Hall of the Korolladoll Power Primate Congregation.

More astoundingly, the subject was none other than the Supreme Power Primate Master himself.

Whatever it was he was doing, it sent the entire planet into hysteria, euphoria, and/or a cronic case of side stitches. Take your pick.

"Wow." Cedric's eyes were practically the size of the TV screen. "Man oh man oh man. WOW."

His co-host was just as shocked with the difference a decent TV made. Natalie Teasedale's jaw would need to be relocated, it was hanging as low as she could mangage. "Wow indeed. Who knew that Master Zan had such...dancing...skills." A grin slowly spread across her face. **"IT'S RETROOO!!!"**

Master Zan was dancing. That alone should be funny.

But, for the complete and utter sake of torture, there is more detail than that. Yes, it was a retro song. Oldies, you might call it. And yes, he was dancing in the Main Hall. And yes, it was oldtime disco. Some enjoy this particular form of dancing, but I think they'd be put off for a while after witnessing this. Sorry John Travolta fans.

Thank goodness he was alone. It was _not_, under any circumstances, in any way, shape or form, in _any _parallel unvierse, **ever, never, ever, period, never to be spoken of again, I forbid you to mention this travesty ever again**... A pretty sight.

Master Zan dancing to an old retro song, is, to put it _extremely_ mildy, unpleasant in a great many number of aspects. It is so shockingly nasty, that we shall not be mentioning it ever again in this fanfiction read above paragraph you dingbat, only to record briefly that it involved a Beatles song from a small, insignificant planet in the western arm of the galaxy to the left called Earth, and that one of our sponsors is raising money to provide special care for the unfortunate radio that was in quite unpleasantly close proximity to the Power Primate user discoing across the screen, however no amount of mental therapy can ever aid this victim, and the horrifying memory is just something that portable radio will just have to live with.

There. All done. It's over. No more nastiness.

Zan was lucky. He had a mask. The other SRMTHFG villains didn't. But if only the Power Primate allowed you to become invisible.

As the completely horrendous laughter and humiliation began to set in, Cedric took a chance to poke fun at Zan again. "Nice moves there matey. THIS, is what the Torture Chamber is about. THIS, is your worst nightmare. THIS IS THE," **'TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"MUAHAHAHAHA!" Cedric evil-laughed as he loomed over the chained frame of Master Zan.

"Not scary. At all. Sorry. The lights just came on, I think that ruined it a bit."

Cedric cursed to himself before saying, "Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale. That was just the beginning of the show, there's plenty more Shuggazoom! Just you wait!"

"Does the Power Primate have any side effects?!" Cedric bellowed dramatically. "Does _education_ affect your sanity capacity?! What goes on on that freakish planet?!"

"Cedric, my dear friend, you are just being really freaky. Sorry I have to be so blunt, but we're work colleagues." Natalie grabbed his ear with nothing but her nails and twisted. Hard.

"Yeow! _Natalie!"_

"You were being weird! You want me to go for the nose next time?!"

"Fine, be that way. Anyways, what happens in the life of a Supreme Power Primate user? Just watch this Shuggazoom. You'll gain great insight into the fascinating subject of an old bimbo with a mask that teaches monkey magic for a pitiful living."

"I have never been so insulted."

"Actually, it _is_ an insult."

"It's not the best insult we're going to see." Natalie Teasedale pointed out. The screen had been unfurled.

Now, Master Zan looks like the school principal type, doesn't he? And he sort of is.

But after four hundred years in the teaching force, you start to get _really really BORED!!!_

Usually people in a similar situation spend their time yelling at chunks of wood or a pot plant. It is usually effective too. But Zan had peculiar tastes. He preferred a yell victim from which he could get some feedback. Makes it more interesting and fun, you see. And it lasts longer too. But in a rookie Power Primate order of seven hundred, he couldn't single out one that he knew had a really big fault. Nothing big had happened in recent years.

Unless, he made some trouble himself.

Armed with a fearsome spray can of paint, Zan scrawled 'ZAN IS A BIMBO' in big bold letters just outside his chamber doors. Then, snorting to himself, he ran back into the office chamber and waited for someone to notice.

Five hours later, as well as a lot of yelling, every student had four hours of extra gruelling yoga exercises.

Another perfect crime. Another satisfactory day for the leader of Korolladoll, filled with a decent dose of yelling.

And only a tiny hint of fakeness and unjust punishment without trial.

Forgive the poor fellow. He was incredibly bored at the time.

"Uhh, does anyone else realise that Master Zan just effectively called and proved himself to be a bimbo, desperate enough to grafiti on his own wall?" Natalie said rather unecessarily.

"Haha haha haha HA!" Cedric poked his tongue at Zan, who was feeling very uncomfortable, very stupid, very embarrassed, and precisely like a bimbo. **"HA!"**

"That is the most pathetic attempt I have seen all night Cedric." the Veran-Mystic said. "I can do way better." Then he wormed his way out of the chains, throwing off his robe and mask, revealing a scrawny, black body with multi-coloured streaks. (You'll remember it from Antauri's Masters when he says, "Oh _will_ you?") "You know, to be honest, I don't think I was cut out for the Power Primate, or an evil servant. I always wanted to be one of those contortionists at the circus, or perhaps a magician."

"Damn! That was the Secret!"

Natalie nudged her co-host, her eyes nervously staring at the frightening figure of Master Zan looming over them with his curved fingers poised dangerously. "Uh, Cedric?"

"What? **Oh.** Let's do it together."

"Okay."

_**"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"**_

_**Review please!**_**I'm nearly at the end of TC and I'd like most people to catch up with recent chapters before I continue. Review! **

**Random ad: Please, support the poor radio who has suffered terribly at the hands of master Zan's horrid dancing. THIS RADIO NEEDS YOUR HELP!**

**And uh, review. Please?**


	34. Victim 27: Valina

**A/N: Eeehee! Nearly there, nearly there! Just this lil chappie that I really wanted to do... Then 'you know what'! The chapters from now on'll be connected in some way, so... Yeah.**

**Valina is the only Season 3 villain that I will do. But I guess that's enough... 6 Monkey Team members, 27 villains including Val, CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOOP?!?!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT, in any way, shape, form or parallel universe, own the cartoon TV show SRMTHFG. Why? **_**Why?!**_** Even the parallel universes hate me! (uncontrollable hysteria, this is your cue!) **

Victim 27: Valina

The crew members were cleaning up the Torture Chamber set, in preparation for the big fat finale in a few days' time. Ya know, sweeping the floor, wiping down the walls, that sort of thing. It was perfectly ordinary. Well, kind of. It was perfectly ordinary until a strange occurrence...well...occurred.

The air in the centre of the set began to shimmer and warp. And for some reason, it began to glow...purple. Why purple? I mean, seriously! Ah well, I hear _purple_ is the new evil. Black and red, that is _last _century.

Anyway, the workers turned their attention to the shimmering, warping, purple air in their midst. After approximately 3.45 seconds they lost interest, only to swivel sharply back to the scene in a further 0.72 seconds when large-ish black hole appeared in the purple, just the right size for an anorexic, young-ish, female, totally evil villain to step through.

"Humans of Shuggazoom!" declared the anorexic (seriously, her spine sticks out like a flag!) young-ish female evil villain. "I am Valina the Skull Sorceress, from the future!" It was now realised that the scrawny woman was clutching a small orb in her left hand, which glowed a gentle luminescent pink.

Now this got the crew's attention.

"I am from the future, and I have travelled about three episodes and have ignored the crucial laws of time-travel to warn my master of a foreboding time to come for him! A torture so ghastly, so horrible, that I am desperate! Please, help me you puny mortals...!"

The head of the preparation crew gestured to his team that this Valina lady was clearly crazy, and that one of them had quickly better send a call to the Mental Division of Torture Chamber.

"Listen to me!" Valina cried. "I need to find my master! Tell me where he is! I need to warn him- _Ahhhhhh!!!_" Valina shrieked as she was grabbed by the arms by two men from the Mental Division. Reduced to the last resort of a fangirl (and now turned as crazy as the crew thought her to be), Valina began to pointlessly call out his name. "Skeleton King, Skeleton King! I looove yooouuu!" And you know how it goes. She inserted in a few bodily fangirl screams and shrieks, which made things very annoying for the men dragging her away.

**"SKELETON KIIINGG!!!!!!"**

Now, being the incredibly vain person he was, the very Skeleton King Valina was screaming psychotically and obssessively about, aided by supervillain senses, chose this moment to show up at the Torture Chamber set. "Did someone say my name?"

This would prove to be a terribly regrettable mistake.

"Oh bugger." SK said as he was tackled and leapt upon, held down, sedated and bonded, carried to the table and chained to it. Skeleton King might have wished that he had heard the Skull Sorceress' warning. But, seeing as he had arrived 2 seconds too late, he hadn't, so all he could do was groan and cry and repeatedly say pathetically in his mind that it was all a bad dream, that it wasn't really happening, and no, he couldn't possibly be on the Torture Chamber. Not _the_ Torture Chamber! Oh Dark One, no.

And Valina, had she realised that her wonderful Skeleton King was only about ten metres away, might have been kicking herself to know that she _could_ have had a chance to ask him out to dinner, or at least an autograph and a friendly peck on the cheek.

But because she _didn't_ know this bittersweet peice of information, Valina was fortunately spared the greatest fangirl torture.

Quite a shame really. But oh well. Being bungled in with Gyrus Krinkle would be torture enough.

As for Skeleton King...

**Ah, love. (I like it especially when it involves two villains with a tortured romance hehe evil fanfictioner, remember?) Skalina is the best villain shipping I have ever come across, and it was far too tempting to resist this chapter.**

_**Stay tuned for Skeleton King's torture! **_**Might take a week or two, I'm planning carefully. Suggestions and ideas are accepted, but will not be done thoroughly, but will still be put in as a gag. But hope to have you there for that special chapter, which I have dubbed "The Big Fat Finale".**

**Read, review, and read some more!**


	35. Finale, Victim 34: SKELETON KING

**A/N: It's here...**

**It's better (or worse, depends how you look at it)...**

**It's bigger...**

**It's fatter...**

**It's almost time...**

**Disclaimer: I would like to say "Curses, I don't own this magnificent show", and I'd like to say than you to Ciro Nieli, come on, **_**robot monkeys**_**! Who else could think of that?! So thanks Ciro, you made me completely and utterly addicted and jealous. And I'd like to thank all the readers and reviewers that came up with some of these ideas, but there'll be more of that later. But most of all, I'd like to say sorry to Skeleton King, my wonderful Torture Chamber will turn you into mincemeat. **

**No wait, I take that back. I'm not sorry at all! Muahahahaha!**

The Big Fat Finale The Last Victim 28: Skeleton King

Skeleton King's eyes shot open. He quickly took is his surroundings, fear hammering up his throat.

Yep, it was the Torture Chamber alright. He'd recongnise those glistening stone walls, those various interesting torture devices hanging on them, absolutely anywhere.

Not including the torture tools called the hosts. Oh, how he had once adored such a show that put his enemies and minions alike through such pain. Natalie Teasedale, those lovely pointed teeth and nails blood red. The way she stared and smiled at you had sent Mandarin running to Skeleton King whenever the little monkey had nightmares about her for months. Yes, she looked magnificently awesome and alluring to some, but frankly she was pee-in-your-pants scary. And Cedric Angriff, Skeleton King could take evil laughs from him, bottle and sell them, and make a fortune from amateur villains. His teeth weren't as pointy as Natalie's but his claws sure were. Cedric never revealed his claw secret. Skeleton King himself thought they were metal, but even he could never be sure. And who else could have thought of combining a flashy suit with a big high-collared cape?

Yes, once Skeleton King had held this Shuggazoomian TV show close to his heart. But now... Oh how things had changed. A thousand mahogany dining tables had turned. Now Skeleton King was chained to a big stupid metal one on a television show. How wonderful.

"Why hello Skeleton King. Never thought you'd end up here, did you? Welcome!" Natalie's taunting voice had never scared him more.

"Yes yes, of course." Cedric added. "Though I think you're already familiar with the," **"Torture Chamber!"**

Dang that audience! They were going to _watch_ him get tortured! How could things get any _worse?!_

They always say that, don't they?

"Torture to the max, that's what I reckon!" Cedric was pumped and bobbing on his feet in anticipation.

"I totally agree Cedric! Let's get ready to TORTUURRRE!" Natalie grabbed a thick stick with a padded head and struck a large gong, which was sitting quite aesthetically near the back wall.

The deep sound of the gong resonated, the lights came on a little earlier than usual, and the torturing began.

Mind you, it all happened in a matter of seconds.

In just a moment, thanks to the magic of television, our dear Skeleton King was

- slapped and yelled at unmercifully by a dozen very angry and very frightening ex-girlfriends

- a trapdoor in the ceiling had opened to unleash a humongous pile of embarrassing possessions that had then accumulated in a heap on the floor next to the Torture table, including a variety of magazines and self-help books, underpants, aww, a widdle teddy. And for some reason...a model train set? _What the blooming TV Monster?! _

- a pile of _precious _and _sentimental_ objects had been blown up, including a MUFFIN!!! (("No! Not the muffin! Nooo! You are the bravest baked good I have ever known...") cough cough that was SK. Oh jeez, I think he's crying now. He's in grieving for a muffin!))

- our victim was also, for some strange and pointless reason decided by the fanfictioner's strange and random mind, drenched in warm custard by Cedric, then frightened greatly by several flaming arrows flying at him, only to land inches from his limbs and head

- ooh, that was crueller than usual. But SK looks so cute in that lacy dress... Aww! Oh my god, I think it belongs to Sakko. How the heck did they get him to wear that?!

- shot at with more arrows and told that he would have to _sing_ to avoid being mauled by Natalie

- had the entire contents of his frikkin _diary_ read out (Oh. Crud. He detests his slaves... And... He once had a crush on... _Chiru! _Oh geez! Pray have mercy! STOP READING THE STUPID DIARY CEDRIC!)

- force-fed five litres of tuna-flavoured ice-cream

And so much torture was done without wasting a full minute! Talk about time-management!

"Umm..." Cedric pointed to the heap of humiliating possessions on the floor. "Uhh, are those bunny slippers yours?"

Skeleton King gagged and spat out the tuna ice-cream, which had for some reason stuffed in his mouth in about a nanosecond. He looked carefully at the pair of white furry bunny slippers. "Nope, I don't _think _they're mine."

"Oh. Okay then." Cedric then moved slowly towards the bunnies, quickly picked them up, then scurrried away, his face burning red. He laughed nervously at Natalie, whose eyelid was twitching quite severely.

"This show just got a lot weirder and a lot more disturbing."

"I know." Skeleton King nodded.

"Hey, it's the," **"TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"**

"Hi, I'm Cedric Angriff!"

"And I'm Natalie Teasedale! This is Torture Chamber!"

"It's the finale! Our victim _is._.. _**SKELETON KING**_!"

"We've been waiting for this one a long time. We have planned, we have put together a fine show tonight Shuggazoom. The time has finally come!"

Cedric grinned his signature grin. "Prepare to get crush-inated Skelly boy! Muahahahaha!"

"I hate you people... _Gargh!_"

The screen was coming. Run away if you want to live. Oh wait, SK nearly had a heart attack. Well, run away and choose your own hospital. Then you may or may not live. (Imagine the look on Skeleton King's face!)

A quick drumroll started as the humiliation screen rolled down. It was torture time.

Now, the screen displayed a decent shot of the Citadel of Bone. Many Shuggazoomian people are afraid to venture near, let alone film it.

_But!_ A postman must never fail to deliver the mail! And plus, he's getting paid for it.

The day's mail was catapulted to the Citadel from a post ship not that far away. The small bundle flew the distance to the orbiting mass of bone, then crashed through the hull with extraordinary force.

The inhabitant of said mass of bone leaned out of the gaping hole the mail had just blown in his craft. "Quit blowing holes in me blooming house!" SK yelled at the retreating mail ship. He sighed before plugging up the hole with pieces of cardboard covered in Formless goo before the space vacuum could destroy the ship. The bone quickly returned though. But sometimes it was late, and Skeleton King couldn't risk any more damage being done. But man was that Formless ooze disgusting when it got between the fingers.

SK bent down to retrieve the mail. _Junk mail, ad, shopping catalogue... Why do they even bother to send these things to me?!_ Ah, here. The bills and a bank statement. The only things that matter. SK opted for the bills first. He peered closely at them.

Water, hardly any. Telephone... Skeleton King stopped and blinked at the annoying but otherwise useless piece of paper.

"Mandarin! Sakko! Come here for a minute!"

The evil lord walked along the many hallways of his domain. He found Sakko reclining in a sofa. "Sakko..." The little pink monkey did not hear. He was talking heatedly into a cordless phone.

"Noo! You _cannot_ were those red boots with your purple tee. Just NO!"

Skeleton King frowned. One, because his minion was talking on the phone like a stupid teenage girl. Two... He himself was wearing a similar combination.

"Jesse, I'm telling you, _don't_! Listen, if you wear the boots, I swear, I'M NEVER CALLING YOU AGAIN! Alright fine, see ya." Sakko hung up. "What?" he asked his master defensively.

"Neever miind." SK slowly backed out of the room. He poked his head back into it a second later. "By the way Sakko, you're on Formless teethbrushing duty for the rest of the day."

"What?! Why?!"

Skeleton King waved the telephone bill at him. "That's why."

"Aww, no fair!"

"I'm evil!" Skeleton King yelled back. "Get used to it!" Then he was off to find Mandarin to talk about the Internet bandwith. Sorry, did I say talk? I meant interrogate to tears.

"Mandarin!" he bellowed into a random room. "Off the computer! Now!"

"Wait a bit, I just have to-"

"Don't 'wait a bit' me! Off the screen, puny monkey!"

"Fine fine!" Mandarin shot back. "Just gimme a-"

"That's it!" The bone lord bent down found a cord and plug, and yanked it.

"OI!" the orange primate yelled as the desktop screen went black. "I was on a forum thread! I'm actually interacting with people!"

"Well I don't care, do I?" Skeleton King slapped the air with the Internet bill. "Explain how I have to pay for twelve entire gigs of bandwith?!"

"Uhh, YouTube, intergalactical forums... I've also been exploring these really cool fanfiction sites... And _guess what?!_ I discovered _Wikipedia!!!_"

"Okay, I'm not letting you touch a keyboard for a month! And don't argue with me monkey!" Yes, that was sufficient yelling and punishing for the day. He could read a magazine and eat junk for the rest of the morning. Satisfied with himself, Skeleton King turned around in an 'egotistic evil overlord' style...

And then tripped over his cape.

Mandarin winced. "Ooh, that's gotta hurt."

"What does it look like other than _hurt?!_"

"Ya know, Sakko _did_ warn you about the safety dangers of a cape a few months back." Mandarin pointed out. "Not to mention the dreaful effect on the fashion community..."

"Just _shut up,_ okay pathetic monkey?!" Skeleton King growled to himself and picked himself off the floor. "Jeez, what does an evil dude have to do to save some money around here?!"

Well, there was still the bank statement... Our resident villain reached out for his scythe to open the envelope-

_And that concludes Skeleton King's horrific morning._

"Muahahahaha! Oh, that was too rich. I can't get enough of that! Play it again! Play it again!" Cedric said.

"Why not? Shuggazoom, fire up your VCRs!"

"No no no no NO! No replays! Nooo!!!" _Too late. It's started. _Skeleton King lay there groaning and rolling his eyes every time he knew something was going to be said to humiliate him. He could try to commit suicide by banging his head repeatedly against the hard metal of the table, but that would take too long. And it would hurt. _You people never stop surprising me. Not to mention _torturing_... WOULD YOU JUST QUIT IT AND GET ME OUTTA HERE?! Must...refrain...from going...totally MAD! Oh, what a day. Oh for the love of Scrapperton, what _now?!

Cedric nearly choked on his saliva several times. "Ah, that's still funny. But let's leave it alone for now."

"It's time for We Know Your Secret!"

"That's right Skelly, we do know. Do you wonder why you are here?"

Skeleton King squirmed a little in the chains. "Maybe..."

"Straight answer buddy." Natalie put up a fist. "Do you know why you're here?"

"To get tortured...?"

"Yeah, but not quite."

"Why _should_ I be here? After all I've done..."

"Hey, giving away the Secret is our job Skelly. Why don't we do it together, Cedric?"

"If we were nice, Skeleton King wouldn't be here. But because we aren't..."

"Skeleton King is here to get tortured, although..."

**"No no no NO! **_**Don't say it!**_** Please don't! I'm ruined! Ohhohho..." **Oh yeah, _now_ you try to stop them spilling out their scandalous dirt. Too. Late!

"ALTHOUGH HE HELPED TO CREATE THE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!"

_**"Ahh!"**_ Oh man, put that girly squeal in the book!

_"SKELETON KING IS THE PRODUCER OF TORTURE CHAMBER!!!"_

**Dun dada DA!**

**Gasp scream faint! **

_**AND IT IS NOT THE END**_**!!!! There is another chapter that gives you more information about the creation of TC, plus a long Author's Note, then I will tell you more about my bonus series. ****More torture!**

**But for now, ****REVIEW! And you shall receive limited edition copies of SK's exclusive diary!**

**Small Print: Diaries are non-existent.**

**Oh well, **_**REVIEW!!!**_


	36. Behind the Torture Chamber Walls

**A/N: Hello everybody! This is the bonus chapter. I'll just get on with it, eh? I got a lotta stuff to write...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my Torture Chamber!**

Behind the Torture Chamber Walls

In one of Shuggazoom's inner city alleys stuffed to the brim with cafes and shops, sat an abnormally tall being at one of the cafe tables. He wan't feeling very comfortable in the blue shirt and pants he had been forced to wear. But, he just had to blend in. The worst was probably the glasses. The Coke bottle glasses he was wearing were just plain degrading. But at least he could see better than usual through them, he was ashamed to admit.

From the opposite end of the bustling alleyway strode a confident young lady in a beige suit, with a taller male in a dark suit and sunglasses walking along behind her. The girl just walked straight up to the table where the tall man was seated and sat down in the chair opposite. Her companion just stood behind her, cautiously looking side to side at the area they were in.

"Ah, you must be Mr Simon Kong. You received my request to meet?" She wasn't very young. In fact she was _extremely_ young. No more than twelve years of age, actually. But she still surprisingly held power over her aqquaintance.

"Creaming soda thanks." she said to the waiter that appeared by their table. "Anything?" she asked the man in glasses. He still hadn't said anything, this time he only shook his head.

The girl steepled her fingers and looked michievously at the person in front of her. "Hello _Simon_." she whispered, barely audible. "Or would you prefer _Skeleton King?_"

The man twitched at the name. He looked inquiringly at the girl, who only nodded. "Lindy? You Lindy Troy?"

The youth's eyes suddenly darkened. "_Don't_ call me that. It's Lin Detroit now." Her scowl loosened a bit, but only a bit. "I chose to ignore the fact that, because of _you_, my family had to change our names. I _chose_ to ignore the fact that you caused me to sever myself from the first twelve years of my life, along with the rest of my family." Her voice began to rise now. "I _chose _to ignore the fact that we had to take my younger brother out of the specialist school he so desperately needed! I _chose_ to ignore the fact that my parents lost days of sleep and possibly a few years of their lives worrying about what they were going to do! I _chose_ to ignore that we lost close to a million dollars, that _you_ scammed off of us!"

Lin calmed down and sat back in her chair. "But I'm going to forget all of that today." she said to Skeleton King. Her face lightened. "Now, about our meeting." Her eyes took on an excited shine. "I have a proposition for you."

"Don't they always say that?"

Lin shrugged. "I suppose they do. Anyway, to be honest and simple, I need money. I need _your_ money."

Skeleton King cocked an eyebrow. "Aren't there other people that have way more moolah than me?"

"My cousin Samuel does." She gestured to the boy in the suit behind her. "The Brenkens have lots of money. But as much as Sam loves me, he can't smuggle out hundreds of thousands of dollars just for me." The young girl bent forward. "And I want _your_ involvement especially."

"This isn't about revenge and family honour is it?"

"No! This is just public appeal!" Lin played with the creaming soda in front of her, which had arrived at some point during their conversation. She stared into the yellow bubbles for a few moments, then turned back to Skeleton King. "You see, I have a television show in mind."

SK nearly laughed out loud. "A TV show? Lin, I'm an evil villain. I don't do TV."

The girl frowned. "Then you'll miss out on this opportunity I'm giving you. It just _fits_ you perfectly! I have everything planned out and at the ready. I just need your money and your name in the credits. In small print, if you so wish."

Lin simply told him what it was called, what it did, and _who_ it featured, and she had SK reeled in. Hook, line and sinker.

"So Skeleton King, do we have a deal?"

"Call it a partnership, gimme at least forty percent of the end profits and you got my skilled services."

"Excellent!" Lin said, with a Mr Burns-like edge to it. She even had her fingers steepled, as she usually did. She smiled, and an almost sadistic and evil glint appeared in her eyes.

"Skeleton King, prepare to enter the Torture Chamber."

**And that's it. Torture Chamber's done. Two seasons, Monkey Team **_**and**_** villains. 36 chapters including this little pointless thing that only describes SK's involvement. 145 reviews as of now. (But a bonus series waiting in line!)**

**It's been great to have all of you readers on board, really it has. Many of you have given me great ideas, and I really am grateful for all of your help with this story. I never expected to get any more than 100 reviews, let alone nearly one and a half times that much. And I encourage any new readers to review and enjoy it. Even if you are anonymous, even if you're reading this two years after I wrote it, it's there for you to read and enjoy yourselves. Either laughing at the characters or laughing at me. I don't mind. Tips for writing are great, I can still improve. Reading the earlier chapters again I reckon I really have improved in writing. So thanks to all the poeple that have hung in there, waiting for me to update and get on with it, and giving me spurts of inspiration when they could. You readers are great.**

**ANYWAY, there's a bonus series of TC waiting to get up, for those of you that requested that the hosts, and even myself to be tortured. And if some of you ask nicely I might even do the penguin guy.**

**But for now, REVIEW!**


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